facing my demotion...
hello,
work sux my ass. i got no lonch break today, and worked from 9:45-4:45. ooooh, that hurt. mainly because i started feelign sick this morning, and folks were being rude on the phone. which i try not to take personally but damn, it's so not cool.
been paintign lately. painting a picture of the hindu goddess Kali. so far, it's kinda neat. hoepfully i won't fuck it up. heh, it's a really sexual looking picture,m anfd i think it's holarious that my parents look at it everytime they come into my room but haven't said a word about it.i hope it makes them painfully uncomfortable. >:)
i haven't really done anything cool this week. nothing exciting to report. my mom made some fucking awesome turkey chili.
the navy is possibly avoiding me...and ripping me all up inside. it feels kinda nice though...to actually care.
talked to him tuesday...hasn't called me since.
ok, so i guess that wasn't long ago, AND he said he was getting sick, but our conversation lagged, and left me feeling uneasy
eh. i'm just waiting on it...wish he'd hurry up and hurt me bad, i hate prolonged anguish. ever since Dan...i haven't been the same. i really panic when i like someone alot. cause it feels way too familiar to the way i felt right before all that really bad stuff happened. i don't believe i'll ever really get to be 'safely' in love with a person. i think God has other plans for me...and that is sooooo depressing.
my brain gets so wrapped up in a person when i like them alot. that's why i was trying to stay away from guys. i was trying to focus on other stuff. instead of retarded, "ohmigod,ohmigod, i love him" stuff. not sure what that other stuff was, but i'm sure it'll come to me eventually.
the whole being human thing is begining to really interfere with the evolution of the relationship. i don't care if i have nothing to say...it seems that he does though. he's extremely busy also. manages the theatre, and goes to school full time...this was such a bad idea.
but eh. once the navy's out of my mind and my life, i'll have no more hang-ups about what could have been, or what should be as far as people i like goes. there's no one else, so there's no reason to hang around, wondering and wishing.....but damn....he kisses good....real good. and he's hot. did i mention that? yeah. he is.
he so needs to get rid of me.
ok. no more self-pity.
tomorrow is my day off, and that is awesome. i was hoping to stay out late tonight or something, but i feel like such crap, i didn't go anywhere. that sux. i'll stay out late tomorrow night regardless of work saturday. hopefully i'll feel up to it. beign sick is the gayest thing. i never get really sick, so when i feel just a little sick i want to sulk about and have someone make me chicken soup, and sing me to sleep and gay shit. someone should come over and do that...wow. i would pay for that. especially the singing part. oh, and you'd have to all, pet my head 'til i fell asleep. damn. now i'm just sad. i need to be a little kid again. my mom never did that stuff, but it would have been awesome. fuck it. i'm gona go drink the rest of the vodka from new years. that'll settle all my anguish, and i'll fall asleep.
looking forward to beccas b day tomorrow night.
work sux my ass. i got no lonch break today, and worked from 9:45-4:45. ooooh, that hurt. mainly because i started feelign sick this morning, and folks were being rude on the phone. which i try not to take personally but damn, it's so not cool.
been paintign lately. painting a picture of the hindu goddess Kali. so far, it's kinda neat. hoepfully i won't fuck it up. heh, it's a really sexual looking picture,m anfd i think it's holarious that my parents look at it everytime they come into my room but haven't said a word about it.i hope it makes them painfully uncomfortable. >:)
i haven't really done anything cool this week. nothing exciting to report. my mom made some fucking awesome turkey chili.
the navy is possibly avoiding me...and ripping me all up inside. it feels kinda nice though...to actually care.
talked to him tuesday...hasn't called me since.
ok, so i guess that wasn't long ago, AND he said he was getting sick, but our conversation lagged, and left me feeling uneasy
eh. i'm just waiting on it...wish he'd hurry up and hurt me bad, i hate prolonged anguish. ever since Dan...i haven't been the same. i really panic when i like someone alot. cause it feels way too familiar to the way i felt right before all that really bad stuff happened. i don't believe i'll ever really get to be 'safely' in love with a person. i think God has other plans for me...and that is sooooo depressing.
my brain gets so wrapped up in a person when i like them alot. that's why i was trying to stay away from guys. i was trying to focus on other stuff. instead of retarded, "ohmigod,ohmigod, i love him" stuff. not sure what that other stuff was, but i'm sure it'll come to me eventually.
the whole being human thing is begining to really interfere with the evolution of the relationship. i don't care if i have nothing to say...it seems that he does though. he's extremely busy also. manages the theatre, and goes to school full time...this was such a bad idea.
but eh. once the navy's out of my mind and my life, i'll have no more hang-ups about what could have been, or what should be as far as people i like goes. there's no one else, so there's no reason to hang around, wondering and wishing.....but damn....he kisses good....real good. and he's hot. did i mention that? yeah. he is.
he so needs to get rid of me.
ok. no more self-pity.
tomorrow is my day off, and that is awesome. i was hoping to stay out late tonight or something, but i feel like such crap, i didn't go anywhere. that sux. i'll stay out late tomorrow night regardless of work saturday. hopefully i'll feel up to it. beign sick is the gayest thing. i never get really sick, so when i feel just a little sick i want to sulk about and have someone make me chicken soup, and sing me to sleep and gay shit. someone should come over and do that...wow. i would pay for that. especially the singing part. oh, and you'd have to all, pet my head 'til i fell asleep. damn. now i'm just sad. i need to be a little kid again. my mom never did that stuff, but it would have been awesome. fuck it. i'm gona go drink the rest of the vodka from new years. that'll settle all my anguish, and i'll fall asleep.
looking forward to beccas b day tomorrow night.