(no subject)
My freshman year of college is over. Wow time is passing so fast. I was reading back on my entries, and they start all the way back in the beginning of high school. It's just so weird.
College was such an experience from me, a whole new life. i learned that there is so much more out there then just merrimack new hampshire. new people are so interesting, i never knew i could learn so much from people my age. i met some great people this year, too. loving people. i needed that. and i've definitely changed. letting people in is just a little less hard now. i sort of wish i could stay here a bit longer, maybe let them change me more. oh well.
I've come to realize that i'm really good at closing people off. even though i have changed, that part of me is still there. that's why i am here, my last night at stonehill college, alone in my room. i was getting close to these people until i realized i wouldn't be staying here, so i stopped putting any effort in because i knew it would end soon. they're all crying over each other, sad to be leaving one another for just the summer, and no one has cried over me, who isn't ever coming back. But it's all my fault. I really am going to miss them, though. I don't think they know how much they mean to me.
I wonder what to do with my life. do i really want to do science? after these two semesters, i'm not so sure. i think i need to explore a little. Maybe taking a semester off will be good. I'll take some classes at a community college and find out what i really like to do, then go back into college full force. I'm just so mentally exhausted right now, i think i deserve a break. i've been working hard mentally for over 10 years of my life, so a few months to rest will do me some good (i hope). we'll see where things go.
I just need to work on myself, i think.
College was such an experience from me, a whole new life. i learned that there is so much more out there then just merrimack new hampshire. new people are so interesting, i never knew i could learn so much from people my age. i met some great people this year, too. loving people. i needed that. and i've definitely changed. letting people in is just a little less hard now. i sort of wish i could stay here a bit longer, maybe let them change me more. oh well.
I've come to realize that i'm really good at closing people off. even though i have changed, that part of me is still there. that's why i am here, my last night at stonehill college, alone in my room. i was getting close to these people until i realized i wouldn't be staying here, so i stopped putting any effort in because i knew it would end soon. they're all crying over each other, sad to be leaving one another for just the summer, and no one has cried over me, who isn't ever coming back. But it's all my fault. I really am going to miss them, though. I don't think they know how much they mean to me.
I wonder what to do with my life. do i really want to do science? after these two semesters, i'm not so sure. i think i need to explore a little. Maybe taking a semester off will be good. I'll take some classes at a community college and find out what i really like to do, then go back into college full force. I'm just so mentally exhausted right now, i think i deserve a break. i've been working hard mentally for over 10 years of my life, so a few months to rest will do me some good (i hope). we'll see where things go.
I just need to work on myself, i think.