everything about her is asking yes ..
*sarcasm intended* everything seems just about right. i'm perfectly miserable, with small amounts of happiness thrown in randomly from surprisingly, all the people i never thought would try. 'cept for katie. she's my constant. and my sanity. i guess i'm just tired of hurting.
annnnd i guess i'm not going to work. fantastic. there's a black line through my hours and i know why. and i could slice jason to pieces for this. maybe i'll get the chance tonight.
there was a poem in toby's journal that got me wanting to write one of my own. it made me feel better. i miss the girls. and trust me, i never thought i'd say that and mean it so much. so this is for them. and this is for katie, because she makes me strong.
strength is never giving up on anything or anyone. i know strong women. they fight for what they believe in. they are standing alone in a crowd of people, resisting the urge to run. they are swimming through broken dreams and promises, struggling not to drown in failure, and as they climb up onto shore, they walk with their backs straight and their heads high.
they are women who hear .. "i told you so" .. "you could never be beautiful" .. "glass ceiling" .. "stupid" .. "why are you crying?" .. "bitch" .. "waste of time" .. "you are weak" .. "nobody will ever love you for who you are" .. "why aren't you soft and feminie?" .. "why aren't you quiet?" .. "why can't you be obediant" .. "why aren't you dead?" .. and they are women determined to silence those voices.
together, we are breaking from the chains that restrain us. we are smashing our fists through the glass ceilings. we are bleeding inside and smiling on the outside. our bodies and minds have scars for every day we fought to be stronger and more capable. we have scar for every time we spoke our mind. and for every time we fell. we have wounds that bleed when you talk about them and memories that keep us awake at night. our heart hurts from being left behind, forgotten, lied to, and made vulnerable. we are tired and still, we move forward. we find comfort in our similarities, passion in our differences and strength where we overlap.
we are women who give as much as we take. we are strong woman who love deeply, laugh often, and comfort always. our strength lies within our words, it is shown in our actions, found in the connections, and tied into emotions. we accept and acknowledge the strengths and weaknesses in each other. strong is what we are. and "strong is what we make each other".
that's my poem for today. i haven't written in awhile. sometimes it hurts to write the words down because they make you realize things about the people you're writing for. sometimes, i even realize things about myself i don't want to see.
my parents are finally home, so i've gotta go give an update on michael's ankle, help with dinner and then pick up michael. chris has a mission tonight - one that will hopefully result in slight intoxication. they say don't drink to drown your sorrow, cuz it knows how to swim. but screw that, something has to work.