May 29, 2011 12:15
Fuck, even Neko Ramen was published by Tokyopop. The two volumes of Darker Than Black that I just bought earlier this month was from Yen Press, so YEAH there are still other publishers but GODDAMN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST HELL BISCUITS. This is awful and upsetting. The company didn't have to fold; Levy could have made better financial decisions instead of being all over the goddamn place with different projects. I never was active in the social aspects of the Tokyopop website but I always thought there was a lot of activity there. AAUIUUHGGGG All I want to do is tear my hair out.
I walked past an open box and saw the manga that I bought the last time I was at a convention. One was from Blu, and it was one that I really loved. Calling. Two were from Yen Press and one was from Deux.
Since I live in Sault Ste Marie now I wasn't going to pay the plane ticket and hotel so I could attend FanExpo. I've done that every year for so long...and it really hurt to think I couldn't do it anymore. But this year, I'm barely able to walk a block or two without feeling very sore. I want to go. I want to go to FanExpo but even if I get there, it's a lot of walking. I couldn't make it. And I don't know when my next surgery is, so I probably wouldn't even be recovered fully. AND I haven't had a job in nearly a year. I stopped working at the end of July, didn't I?
I should have DONE STUFF when I first moved here. But I have to recognize that I was depressed. I never wanted to move here.
Just as I was ready to get things going in my life, I got sick.
This whole year has been terrible... Darker Than Black really inspires me to get moving and see the world as a place where there are always influences on your life that can't be avoided, but you still have choices. I want to choose to support the publishing industry, I want to choose to be more active in fandom because I really, really would like some people to talk to. I wanted to go back to school just to make friends in this city. Nothing will happen unless I make it happen.