The Creation of all that Matters in This World - To Infinity and Beyond

[0sunshinexeyes0]

Twenty-three years ago today, a magical thing happened in a far off land named Ohio (which was the spanish name for a Mountain Goat's uterus, but I digress.) On this day a fine lady named "Mama Neums," finally met this dude named "The Stork" (he was said to have had a huge nose and if you stared at it, he would spear you through the heart with it.) This righteous dude thought that Mama Neums was looking awfully lonely as of late and decided to give her a gift. After bestowing a kiss upon her cheek (which it's sad was the gift of fertility - which later lead to the birthes of Jen and Brookie Neums,) the Stork put in her prepared hands a warm and cooing bundle wrapped in fine silks. Inside the cloth bundle was a seemingly golden child that could have only come from Heaven itself, an angel that never found it's wings perhaps. Upon further inspection, she found that the child was not golden itself, but rather its silky locks of hair had merely formed a protective swaddle around the babe's entire body, leaving only her face clear. At the moment of this realization, the golden baby (later to be named Lauren, which I'm sure is Chinese for That Which Has Great Kindness in all But Her Left Kidney - which the mooninites tainted upon her descent from Heaven) opened her eyes to reveal two bright blue oceans of innocence and depth that caused her mother to gasp and men for ages to fall to their knees in adoration - and more so one woman.

That woman was me... and this day is sacred because it is the day of the birth of my Goddess Lauren. I worship at her temple and suggest you all do the same, because God (which I am sure is the Norwegian word for Dude with a Fuzzy Face of Light) will smack you with a large halibot fish if you are too vain to agree that she is his greatest creation....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN NEUMAN. Thank you for giving me something to believe in. :)