*what you feel is what you are...*
jeanne wrote something for me about what happened with dave...i saw him the other night and i got very sad again and i spoke with her about it and i guess my feelings inspired her somehow, and she wrote me this amazing song about the whole situation in his eyes...ill explain it later...
"The Aftermath"
which weapons will you select?
he chooses carefully, you said
he picked them up, weighed the options
and remarked " i could never hurt
myself enough. i could never
thrust these knives too deep."
he turned and with that
captivating gaze, proclaimed,
"so ill just hurt you instead"
"i needed you", he insists.
"i needed you to be my sacrifice."
lay at my altar, i'll kneel at your feet.
i'll feed you these lies
(and everything i could never handle)
and draw you a cool bath
of unfufilled fantasies.
"i loved you"' he protests.
"i loved you like you were my other half."
every beautiful word
that tumbled off my lips belonged
to you.
"i knew you", he states simply.
"i knew you well enough to know
your achilles heel."
indifference ain't a crime, babe
and i won't stop that heart from beatin'
'til i've filled it to the brim.
"you blamed me"' he says.
"how could you blame me?"
couldn't you see your own reflection?
the soul you possessed was smothering my own.
every flaw of mine was
multiplied a thousand fold,
and everytime i said i hated
you, i slipped.
i didn't mean it.
how could you blame me?
everytime i parted this jagged gash
to gasp the words, "you mean nothing.
you are nothing,"
my brain read the
letters wrong off the page.
i misspelled you heartbreak.
forgive me, love, for when i say
"you are hopeless, unimportant,
and this world would surely be a
better place without you"' i'm a liar.
replace why oh you with
eye, and darling, you've got my
dilemma.
is that not beautiful......its so good and perfect. she understands the situation compleatly, like noone else. and now maybe some of you will be able to understand it too.
im listening to the song Cannon in D, which is the most beautiful song in the world...its the song im walking down the isle to at my wedding. its perfect, elegant and romanctic, like the way i want my wedding to be. where every melody flows perfectly into the next... just like the way i will fall in love.