*What have I done?Its too late for that*What have I become?Truth is nothing yet*
last night i went to powder puff. it was fun, the jr.'s won!! before we went there, me and claire walked to the quick stop (as featured in "clerks") and when we were walking home some guy stopped and was like "do you ladies need a ride?" and we said no thanks and he went away, but then we saw him make a turn and come back up behind us, so we turned down another street and we saw them pull up a block ahead of us and just park there, so we went into the backyard of some house and we cut thru it and came out back on the street to claires house and the truck wa gone. so the rest if the way me and claire kept looking behind us and speeding up when we heard a car approaching. we got back to her house safely, but it was so scary. in the middle of the day these assholes try to pull that, in broad day light!! we walk to the quick stop all the time, at night and everything and weve never had a problem, but in the middle of the day its not safe enough...gotta love how fucked up the world is... anyway, so we get to the game and we were sitting there talking n stuff and then i looked around. i cant look around that feild , everything about it is soaked, drenched with past and future. i looked across the feild at the bleechers where i sat the night i first saw mike. the first time i lay eyes on perfection. i remembered sitting there with kelly at the first highschool football game id ever been to and seeing him walk by with some girl. i remember it so vividly, too. he was wearing really baggy black pants withe a red plaid suspender attached to the backs and a chain hanging out of his pocket, attached to the side of his pants. he had on a white rancid t-shirt and a black zip down sweatshirt. his har was all liberty spiked on top, not huge spikes, just small ones, and only on top (now theyre all over his head cause he got lazy and just rubs the gell in and leaves). i remembered turnoing around and looking directly into him and saying "omg, that guy has the prettiest eyes ive ever seen!" and kelly just said "yea, but he looks weird" and i agreed because i was stupid and impressionable, even thou i realy did(and do) think that he was (is) the most amazing person id ever seen. i just nodded and said "yea, but look at his eyes, they look like porceline. theyre so light, ive never seen blue that light before, not even the sky!!" and i knew from that moment that i had to make this boy a part of me, and a part of me he became. for the rest of the year i saw him in the halls and at the end of that year i finally found out his name, Mike Goy. everyday ide try to think of something to say to him, to get his attention, but i always came short, if not with words than with courage. After i thought of that, i started to think of this year. the game after the night we hooked up. everything was so awkwardly perfect. and at the homecomming game, when i saw him and everytime hed pass me he'd hit my but with one of the weird stick things we all got. and how after that my dad said he thought the "guy who kept finding reasons to walk by you" liked me...i sat on the bleechers and explained this to jeanne and she just said "you know, i can never separate you and mike. its like ever scince ive known you its been you and mike and i cant think of you without him, or him without you" and it made me so joyfully sad, because i cant picture me without him either, and i cant bare to try. so i just sat there with tears in my eyes thinking about how that was the last homecomming game hed have with me, and how that was the last time wed ever be on that feild together to see football game, and how hes not going to be there in the halls when i walk in next september...and...and how im going to have to go through each day getting over that. and how next year is our last year, me and jeanne and claire and all of them. how next year will be our last football game, our last powder puff, our last prom, our last homecomming, our last year in a place that holds so much of our lives. a football feild that holds so many memories for each of us that it litterally exploades with them. every freshman memory of the blink concert and the first powder puff and coynes class.
i guess im not ok as i tell myself i am...