continuing
anonymous
October 23 2004, 16:26:43 UTC
Then you stayed at your sisters house. You told me that you felt bad for abandoning your brother and sister and that you were not a good grandson, son, or sibling. You expressed a desire to work at it. It was then I realized that you would be moving out soon. That you were going to use the difficulties in your moms house as an excuse to quit school. So I waited.
Your step father was put into jail and you had your opportunity. You were going to work two jobs and help out your mom. You told me that you talked to her about it. Another lie. Your mom never asked you to do that and quite frankly, never expected it. You expected, however, to live here and do exactly what you wanted. I think you realized quickly that it was not going to happen. I do not blame you, I had compromised quite a bit up to that point. Your mom did not even know you were moving back and did not even know why although she was not surprised when she called me and asked.
So what happened to your grand design to be there for your brother and sister and help your mom out? Never happened, and I knew it never would. All you did manage to do is cause turmoil in her house just when things were starting to get on track. You wanted to be admired as Charlie was admired for helping out his mom. The difference is that Charlie loves and respects his mother. You cannot. The difference is that his desire was genuine, yours was yet another excuse to get out of school.
You want to live an adult life. You are no where near being ready for it because you have a lot of growing up to do. You treat you Mom like crap and quite frankly, she does not deserve this. All she ever really did was try to be your mom, but that was never good enough for you. I only believe half of what you told me about her only because I have seen for myself what the truth really is. You treat her like shit because you know she will take it. She takes your shit because she loves you but I think she gave up long ago. You wore her out. Despite this, I hear in her voice that she loves you very much. She does not deserve to be treated the way you treat her, what makes you think you are above respecting her I do not know. I do know, however, that you exaggerated the situation at home as way of getting out and being able to do exactly what you wanted. Which is exactly what you did.
I think you thought you could manipulate me. Do not think for a minute that I was not aware of it. But I was still not ready to give up because I made a promise to help you. I was going to see it through until I felt there was no chance. That is what vacation was all about. Really, I do not blame Derek for not wanting to go. You have been a shitty friend to such a good friend to you. When all of your other friends got tired of your crap, he hung on. He will always hang on because he is the type of person who really cares, you lack the maturity and appreciation to realize it. I was not surprised that you could not get anyone to go. Your friends left you behind because you left them behind. You do not even seem to realize this. You are oblivious to the way you have treated them because it would mean taking personal responsibility. It is never your fault is it. I had hoped that in spending that time together on vacation as a family, you would realize what you really need to do. All you ended up doing is thinking about yourself.
You could have been brilliant. You could have gone anywhere and done anything, but you are not willing to grow up because you lack the maturity to handle responsibility. That is the bottom line. This is why you lie. This is why you exaggerate. This is why you spend so much time and effort avoiding being responsible for your actions, being as generous to others as others have been to you. To learn that to be a person of substance, a person people like, you have to be willing to do for others what they are willing to do for you. In the end, only a child believes they are owed things, only a child lacks the wisdom to understand the things given to them and develop an appreciation for them.
Your step father was put into jail and you had your opportunity. You were going to work two jobs and help out your mom. You told me that you talked to her about it. Another lie. Your mom never asked you to do that and quite frankly, never expected it. You expected, however, to live here and do exactly what you wanted. I think you realized quickly that it was not going to happen. I do not blame you, I had compromised quite a bit up to that point. Your mom did not even know you were moving back and did not even know why although she was not surprised when she called me and asked.
So what happened to your grand design to be there for your brother and sister and help your mom out? Never happened, and I knew it never would. All you did manage to do is cause turmoil in her house just when things were starting to get on track. You wanted to be admired as Charlie was admired for helping out his mom. The difference is that Charlie loves and respects his mother. You cannot. The difference is that his desire was genuine, yours was yet another excuse to get out of school.
You want to live an adult life. You are no where near being ready for it because you have a lot of growing up to do. You treat you Mom like crap and quite frankly, she does not deserve this. All she ever really did was try to be your mom, but that was never good enough for you. I only believe half of what you told me about her only because I have seen for myself what the truth really is. You treat her like shit because you know she will take it. She takes your shit because she loves you but I think she gave up long ago. You wore her out. Despite this, I hear in her voice that she loves you very much. She does not deserve to be treated the way you treat her, what makes you think you are above respecting her I do not know. I do know, however, that you exaggerated the situation at home as way of getting out and being able to do exactly what you wanted. Which is exactly what you did.
I think you thought you could manipulate me. Do not think for a minute that I was not aware of it. But I was still not ready to give up because I made a promise to help you. I was going to see it through until I felt there was no chance. That is what vacation was all about. Really, I do not blame Derek for not wanting to go. You have been a shitty friend to such a good friend to you. When all of your other friends got tired of your crap, he hung on. He will always hang on because he is the type of person who really cares, you lack the maturity and appreciation to realize it. I was not surprised that you could not get anyone to go. Your friends left you behind because you left them behind. You do not even seem to realize this. You are oblivious to the way you have treated them because it would mean taking personal responsibility. It is never your fault is it. I had hoped that in spending that time together on vacation as a family, you would realize what you really need to do. All you ended up doing is thinking about yourself.
You could have been brilliant. You could have gone anywhere and done anything, but you are not willing to grow up because you lack the maturity to handle responsibility. That is the bottom line. This is why you lie. This is why you exaggerate. This is why you spend so much time and effort avoiding being responsible for your actions, being as generous to others as others have been to you. To learn that to be a person of substance, a person people like, you have to be willing to do for others what they are willing to do for you. In the end, only a child believes they are owed things, only a child lacks the wisdom to understand the things given to them and develop an appreciation for them.
to be continued
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