(no subject)
Hmmm feels like forever since I updated:) Lets see Sunday night was rough but Danielle and I headed out to see eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind to get our minds off things. That movie is so amazing..the story is really great and funky but the way its put together and the way it flows is totally original and you must go SEE IT!!! And if thats not enticing enough....you get to see Jim Carrey jerking off.....mwuahahaha...I loved it. I tried to go right to bed so I didn't have to think about things....because I knew the next couple of days would be rough.
Monday I had a good English class...my group was so funny...the boys were cracking me up which was very nice. I did alot of reading for classes but luckily both the books were very good because with my mind the way its been I never would have gotten through them if they hadn't kept my interest. I cleaned my whole room finally and was quite proud of myself...lol sad I know.
Tuesday after Sign Language I scrambled to find a ride to the wake..which didn't turn out to be too hard. I found a ride with Artie one of the guys from choir...the ride there was crazy we were breaking traffic laws left and right...it was great haha...quote of the night was made by Artie "mmm...tastes like Jesus"...don't ask because I don't even get it...and yet I love it lol. Well the wake was really difficult...Lauren mentioned in her journal that because it was so cold outside it kind of numbed her..I felt the same way before I got inside..I felt really strange because I couldn't think about anything but the cold..which was a blessing....but then I saw Chris and it was SO hard. He didn't look like him and I don't know whether its because he wasn't smiling because thats all I've ever known him to do..but it was something about his face that didn't look right. I was really glad to see that they had a picture from our Christmas mass here of Chris with some of the choir on the little board with pictures of Chris. Then I saw a picture of him with his little niece and nephew....and my mind went crazy....I just can't handle that. We all had a really hard time but I'm so glad we were all there together...I think it meant alot to Chris...he loved Emmanuel. Later that night I went to the Mr. Emmanuel Pagaent which was SO great....it was hilarious and if Mike Buckley was any hotter I would jump him..oh wait I already want to...he did an amazing rendition of John Mayer's "Wonderland"....it was the sexiest thing ever.....his voice...his body...ahhhh...moving on. lol.
Wednesday was the funeral of all funerals....it was one of the hardest I've ever been too...I think because I didn't get to go to Britt and Michael's in october it was alot harder because Chris was so young....so young...and he just needed help...anyways so the choir sang two songs and they were beautiful...I cried throughout the mass but the sermon was really hard to listen to because the priest started off by saying something to the effect of "I know we've all been really stunned this week because we all heard a phrase either in person, on the phone, or through email that 'Chris Finn is dead'. I started shaking and crying..just hearing that so bluntly...I mean I knew it but hearing it and seeing his name on a funeral program....I couldn't take it...And I hated seeing a date after December 11, 1981-....there shouldnt be an end date yet...I kept covering up the death date and flipping the program over. Towards the end of the mass I turned around while the priests were doing the incense thing and I saw Sr. Peggy bawling...she didn't cry at the wake so I guess I had it in my head that she wouldn't cry then..to see one of my rocks cry...I couldn't take it..I started crying even more..and Sr. Marie was bawling. The part of funerals I hate the most is when they take the casket out at the end..ever since my nan's funeral its been the worst for me because I had it in my head that they weren't going to take her out and when they did I collapsed in my seat and cried harder than I ever have before...And at Chris's funeral that is when all of us lost it. I didn't see it...thank God but I heard father Steve was bawling right at the end too..and he was helping perform the service..it was really bad..people were crying so hard and right at the end it really hit me...all at once and i could barely breathe..elise was crying so hard which i hated seeing because she always has a smile on and we hugged and then i just fell to my knees outside the pew....it was so bad. We all went back to school..I ate lunch in campus ministry just for some peace and then took a long nap instead of going to English..but I told the professor ahead of time that I might not make it. Then I had a fabulous discussion in my Honors class...so that was a little pick-me-up...it was a really interesting book and I really wish I hadn't taken my English requirment this semester because I wish i could have Dr. Stepanski as a teacher..she's awesome. Then I had a study session with meg for art history.
Then today I am really really angry at myself but I don't want to write details because it'll only get me more upset with myself...I'm goign to pray about it and hopefully it'll be okay. I had Sign Language which was sooo redundant today it was ridiculous btu I love the professor lol..and then Survery of Western Art grr its going to suck the next couple of weeks because I have the notes from all of the stuff we are doing because its all on the Modern Era and I've already done all the slides in my Modern Art class...and I have to sit through it all again. But I guess even if I half listen it'll mean less time will be needed for studying and reviewing notes. Then I had dinner with the lovely Lindsay, Jenn, and Meggy...haha who definetly put me through some CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT today...lol...in her away message she had a link to a website of a boston newspaper..so I went to it and it was an article about the New Kids on the Block reuniting for one show in Boston in June..and me totally not knowing what day it was was SO excited..i called bre and told her we had to go and we were all excited...and I mentioned it to TK...yea after I hung up with Bre I finished reading the article and at the end of it was something to the effect of "Oh yea and if you got this far...Happy April Fools Day from your friends at boston.com"...AHHHH I am so dumb...so gullible..and so sad...haha I thought I was going to be able to relive my childhood...a little side story connected with the New Kids..Jordan Knight's pregnant girlfriend came in to buy a car at my mom's Volvo dealership and so I was like omg Mom you have to get me an autograph or something..this was right around when his solo single came out and it was popular...so next time the girl came in my mom asked her for an autograph and she brings in a signed cd..and I don't even remember what it said but he wrote my name..and then signed it...and I was so excited even though I didn't really like him..i was a Joey fan during my New Kids phase..so anywho I listened to the CD and HATED it ..it was terrible...so I gave away the cd and kept the cd cover...lol.
Tommorow I was going to hang with Laura but she's got too much going on..good for her! I miss her tons though we're going to hang out on Sunday after i get back from a weekend retreat..such a blessing...and tommorow night i'm havign a mini girls night with Lindsay and Kirsten...it should be fun! Yay for a good ending to a depressing week. I'm just going to keep praying and stay positive...but I know I'll still here Chris's voice during mass.
Here's one of the songs the shoir sang at Chris's funeral..its really beautiful..and the sculpting line is really perfect for Chris because he was an architect.
Here is where the road divides
Here is where we realize
The sculpting of the Father's great design
Through time you've been a friend to me
But time is now the enemy
I wish we didn't have to say good-bye
But I know the road he chose for me
Is not the road he chose for you
So as we chase the dreams we're after
Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won't you pray for me and I'll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again
Painted on our tapestry
We see the way it has to be
Weaving through the laughter and the tears
But love will be the tie that binds us
To the time we leave behind us
Memories will be our souvenirs
And I know that through it all
The hardest part of love is letting go
But there's a greater love that binds us
Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won't you pray for me and I'll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again
Katie
Monday I had a good English class...my group was so funny...the boys were cracking me up which was very nice. I did alot of reading for classes but luckily both the books were very good because with my mind the way its been I never would have gotten through them if they hadn't kept my interest. I cleaned my whole room finally and was quite proud of myself...lol sad I know.
Tuesday after Sign Language I scrambled to find a ride to the wake..which didn't turn out to be too hard. I found a ride with Artie one of the guys from choir...the ride there was crazy we were breaking traffic laws left and right...it was great haha...quote of the night was made by Artie "mmm...tastes like Jesus"...don't ask because I don't even get it...and yet I love it lol. Well the wake was really difficult...Lauren mentioned in her journal that because it was so cold outside it kind of numbed her..I felt the same way before I got inside..I felt really strange because I couldn't think about anything but the cold..which was a blessing....but then I saw Chris and it was SO hard. He didn't look like him and I don't know whether its because he wasn't smiling because thats all I've ever known him to do..but it was something about his face that didn't look right. I was really glad to see that they had a picture from our Christmas mass here of Chris with some of the choir on the little board with pictures of Chris. Then I saw a picture of him with his little niece and nephew....and my mind went crazy....I just can't handle that. We all had a really hard time but I'm so glad we were all there together...I think it meant alot to Chris...he loved Emmanuel. Later that night I went to the Mr. Emmanuel Pagaent which was SO great....it was hilarious and if Mike Buckley was any hotter I would jump him..oh wait I already want to...he did an amazing rendition of John Mayer's "Wonderland"....it was the sexiest thing ever.....his voice...his body...ahhhh...moving on. lol.
Wednesday was the funeral of all funerals....it was one of the hardest I've ever been too...I think because I didn't get to go to Britt and Michael's in october it was alot harder because Chris was so young....so young...and he just needed help...anyways so the choir sang two songs and they were beautiful...I cried throughout the mass but the sermon was really hard to listen to because the priest started off by saying something to the effect of "I know we've all been really stunned this week because we all heard a phrase either in person, on the phone, or through email that 'Chris Finn is dead'. I started shaking and crying..just hearing that so bluntly...I mean I knew it but hearing it and seeing his name on a funeral program....I couldn't take it...And I hated seeing a date after December 11, 1981-....there shouldnt be an end date yet...I kept covering up the death date and flipping the program over. Towards the end of the mass I turned around while the priests were doing the incense thing and I saw Sr. Peggy bawling...she didn't cry at the wake so I guess I had it in my head that she wouldn't cry then..to see one of my rocks cry...I couldn't take it..I started crying even more..and Sr. Marie was bawling. The part of funerals I hate the most is when they take the casket out at the end..ever since my nan's funeral its been the worst for me because I had it in my head that they weren't going to take her out and when they did I collapsed in my seat and cried harder than I ever have before...And at Chris's funeral that is when all of us lost it. I didn't see it...thank God but I heard father Steve was bawling right at the end too..and he was helping perform the service..it was really bad..people were crying so hard and right at the end it really hit me...all at once and i could barely breathe..elise was crying so hard which i hated seeing because she always has a smile on and we hugged and then i just fell to my knees outside the pew....it was so bad. We all went back to school..I ate lunch in campus ministry just for some peace and then took a long nap instead of going to English..but I told the professor ahead of time that I might not make it. Then I had a fabulous discussion in my Honors class...so that was a little pick-me-up...it was a really interesting book and I really wish I hadn't taken my English requirment this semester because I wish i could have Dr. Stepanski as a teacher..she's awesome. Then I had a study session with meg for art history.
Then today I am really really angry at myself but I don't want to write details because it'll only get me more upset with myself...I'm goign to pray about it and hopefully it'll be okay. I had Sign Language which was sooo redundant today it was ridiculous btu I love the professor lol..and then Survery of Western Art grr its going to suck the next couple of weeks because I have the notes from all of the stuff we are doing because its all on the Modern Era and I've already done all the slides in my Modern Art class...and I have to sit through it all again. But I guess even if I half listen it'll mean less time will be needed for studying and reviewing notes. Then I had dinner with the lovely Lindsay, Jenn, and Meggy...haha who definetly put me through some CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT today...lol...in her away message she had a link to a website of a boston newspaper..so I went to it and it was an article about the New Kids on the Block reuniting for one show in Boston in June..and me totally not knowing what day it was was SO excited..i called bre and told her we had to go and we were all excited...and I mentioned it to TK...yea after I hung up with Bre I finished reading the article and at the end of it was something to the effect of "Oh yea and if you got this far...Happy April Fools Day from your friends at boston.com"...AHHHH I am so dumb...so gullible..and so sad...haha I thought I was going to be able to relive my childhood...a little side story connected with the New Kids..Jordan Knight's pregnant girlfriend came in to buy a car at my mom's Volvo dealership and so I was like omg Mom you have to get me an autograph or something..this was right around when his solo single came out and it was popular...so next time the girl came in my mom asked her for an autograph and she brings in a signed cd..and I don't even remember what it said but he wrote my name..and then signed it...and I was so excited even though I didn't really like him..i was a Joey fan during my New Kids phase..so anywho I listened to the CD and HATED it ..it was terrible...so I gave away the cd and kept the cd cover...lol.
Tommorow I was going to hang with Laura but she's got too much going on..good for her! I miss her tons though we're going to hang out on Sunday after i get back from a weekend retreat..such a blessing...and tommorow night i'm havign a mini girls night with Lindsay and Kirsten...it should be fun! Yay for a good ending to a depressing week. I'm just going to keep praying and stay positive...but I know I'll still here Chris's voice during mass.
Here's one of the songs the shoir sang at Chris's funeral..its really beautiful..and the sculpting line is really perfect for Chris because he was an architect.
Here is where the road divides
Here is where we realize
The sculpting of the Father's great design
Through time you've been a friend to me
But time is now the enemy
I wish we didn't have to say good-bye
But I know the road he chose for me
Is not the road he chose for you
So as we chase the dreams we're after
Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won't you pray for me and I'll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again
Painted on our tapestry
We see the way it has to be
Weaving through the laughter and the tears
But love will be the tie that binds us
To the time we leave behind us
Memories will be our souvenirs
And I know that through it all
The hardest part of love is letting go
But there's a greater love that binds us
Pray for me and I'll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won't you pray for me and I'll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again
Katie