(no subject)
I just sumbled across this today..I wrote it in an online journal I started and abandoned after two days last May...its about my feelings about leaving high school and starting college..up until August I was absolutely terrified of starting college..two days in...I was in love:) But for humorous enjoyment and for a few moments of reminscing here it is:
"Exams are all over...school is done..just a few graduation practices and some fun senior events..I can't wait. the weird thing is I don't know how I feel about it all. It doesn't feel weird or surreal or sad..because it just feels like every other day..like we are just all gonna come back next fall and start all over. I don't think I have quite grasped that I'll never see most of these people again..even my good friends because so much happens in college and its so hard when your not around people all the time. Most people say that they hang out with a few friends from college and none from high school...even their best friends..that scares me. I have spent four years with these people and I love them..even now I remember all the things they did that drive me nuts and I love them more because of them and because I'll always remember them no matter what. So many people have had a profound effect on me...even if we never speak again I'll never forget them. I don't think I've really been thinking about whats happening..I've just been going through the motions. I am so scared to move out of my comfort zone...which shocks me because a few months ago all I wanted to do was get out...and I still do but mostly just from my family...and from the pettiness of high school. If I have to hear one more thing about a cell phone or a car and how cool they are I'll shoot myself...that stuff doesn't matter in the scheme of things and I wish people knew that..I hope they learn that soon...I'm not gonna remember what car you drove or what model of cell phone you have..or if you even had a cell phone..I'm gonna remember how much you meant to me and the time we shared. Life can end so fast and I just feel so lucky to have gotten the oppurtunity to spen the past four years with the people I did. Nothing against public schools...but because of my skin..I couldn't have survived public school...walking by Attleboro high I get more rude comments and stares then all my years at Feehan(in school) combined....and I am so thankful for that. Alot of people with my skin get harassed, one of my friends even got beat up...I am so blessed to be where I am. Thats another reason why I'm so terrified to move on..what will people think...will it be like Feehan or will I be made fun of? So many questions...eeee. I am definetly ready for change..but in the same breadth...can I take the feehan family with me...pretty please??? Thats another thing I've realized....the feehan family..they always say it and everytime they do..we all moan and groan...because we don't believe it...and believe me the administration is not part of the feehan family...but the people in my class..the people that supported me for four years and excepted me for who i am, the people who came together when Katy Stath was sick..thats the feehan family..and that is what i'll miss. I know in my heart that college will be okay and probably the time of my life..but growing up is hard..and being independent is even harder...but I believe we can all do it and we are all ready to do it. I love you guys! "
"If you wait for me
Then I'll come for you
Although I've travelled far
I always hold a place for you
In my heart
If you think of me
If you miss me once in a while
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart"
Katie
"Exams are all over...school is done..just a few graduation practices and some fun senior events..I can't wait. the weird thing is I don't know how I feel about it all. It doesn't feel weird or surreal or sad..because it just feels like every other day..like we are just all gonna come back next fall and start all over. I don't think I have quite grasped that I'll never see most of these people again..even my good friends because so much happens in college and its so hard when your not around people all the time. Most people say that they hang out with a few friends from college and none from high school...even their best friends..that scares me. I have spent four years with these people and I love them..even now I remember all the things they did that drive me nuts and I love them more because of them and because I'll always remember them no matter what. So many people have had a profound effect on me...even if we never speak again I'll never forget them. I don't think I've really been thinking about whats happening..I've just been going through the motions. I am so scared to move out of my comfort zone...which shocks me because a few months ago all I wanted to do was get out...and I still do but mostly just from my family...and from the pettiness of high school. If I have to hear one more thing about a cell phone or a car and how cool they are I'll shoot myself...that stuff doesn't matter in the scheme of things and I wish people knew that..I hope they learn that soon...I'm not gonna remember what car you drove or what model of cell phone you have..or if you even had a cell phone..I'm gonna remember how much you meant to me and the time we shared. Life can end so fast and I just feel so lucky to have gotten the oppurtunity to spen the past four years with the people I did. Nothing against public schools...but because of my skin..I couldn't have survived public school...walking by Attleboro high I get more rude comments and stares then all my years at Feehan(in school) combined....and I am so thankful for that. Alot of people with my skin get harassed, one of my friends even got beat up...I am so blessed to be where I am. Thats another reason why I'm so terrified to move on..what will people think...will it be like Feehan or will I be made fun of? So many questions...eeee. I am definetly ready for change..but in the same breadth...can I take the feehan family with me...pretty please??? Thats another thing I've realized....the feehan family..they always say it and everytime they do..we all moan and groan...because we don't believe it...and believe me the administration is not part of the feehan family...but the people in my class..the people that supported me for four years and excepted me for who i am, the people who came together when Katy Stath was sick..thats the feehan family..and that is what i'll miss. I know in my heart that college will be okay and probably the time of my life..but growing up is hard..and being independent is even harder...but I believe we can all do it and we are all ready to do it. I love you guys! "
"If you wait for me
Then I'll come for you
Although I've travelled far
I always hold a place for you
In my heart
If you think of me
If you miss me once in a while
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart"
Katie