(no subject)
new layout. you like? and the music? sexy i know. ;]
today was a weirdo day. maja wasn't here =[ that made me sad. and neither was sam or liek neone else. jk there were lot's of people there. it felt like a friday but it's a fucking thursday. GRR.
more mike stories! yay! haha not really. so there was this thing where ryan said some raciest things and mike was laughing. and they are both stupid and idiots. and it was the dumbest thing i've ever heard. and i dont' liek it. but whatever. he deserves to be slapped so hard. but i'll leave that to thexi. =)
my heart is yours....
and what's up with saying "that's so jewish" ...i mean seroiusly. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN. we were talkinga nd he was liek this is so stupid! and i was liek what do you mean "THIS IS SO JEWISH"..i know i have the best comebacks;] but seriously it was good. and he was liek uh ugh uh!
OMG BRANDON AND EMILY BROKE UP! ah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my love life is over. well...hahahhahaha. im a lozer. EMILY I LOVE YOU! BRANDON I LOVE YOU! i understand why he did it. becus we are cool liek that and we talk. i feel SO bad for both of them. sooo bad. EMILY WILLIAMS I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH YOU'RE MY SISTER! I LOVEYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL BE WITH YOU ALL THE WAY!!!!!!!! i love you! hun, i love you. & you too brandon. (in the brotherly way)
im catching up with jess right now. she's so cool. i miss her! we are talking about english. we are lozers. haha i mis syou hunni! i love you.
i love too many people. but it's differnt types of love. liek friends love and i can say that i love you, and ur liek my best friend, and it's not miss using the word. or overusing. and if i say i love you to mike liek every second of the day, it'd be miss using it. because then it wouldnt be "romantic" or meaning full. i was talking with tracy, only say I LOVE YOU when you MEAN IT. liek truly mean it. when the words take on memories in your mind, and those words bring tears to your eyes. . . say it when you feel it, say it....
h u g m e
l o v e m e
k i s s m e
h o l d m e
a n d n e v e r
l e t m e g o
...i don't know what to feel...i like mike a lot, i might even love him....but i don't wanna get too attatched. because i don't want to be the one in love, and him the one in lust.... they aren't the same. and they never will be. i want him to not look at me. i want him to look past me. and see ME. the real me. the person I AM. my personality. my fears. my scars. how i act. and why i act like that. i want him to understand. i want him to WANT to understand. i want him to ask questions. i want him to not care. i want him. i want to have a romance like the books and movies have. i want to be adored. it seems like everything i think of, i do. even though i want him to do them to me. the stupid cute little things taht would only matter to me. but he never does them. so i have to. i feel i have to. to keep me...idk what....i don't know....i'm not liek thinking about dumping him. and since i dont know who reads this im just typing out my feelings. if mike happens to read this i dont really care, becus then mabye he'll talk to me about it or something. i dont want to talk to him about it, because it'd be to akward. i mean..what would i say? "be more liek the man in romance novels that give you migranes, or act more liek that guy in the notebook, which you fell asleep watching." is there ANy guy out there like that???...nvm i know the answer to that. there is. i've known them. but once again. twice agian. ALWAYS AGAIN! I FUCKED UP. grr. i always fuck up. im such a stupid hoe.. STUPID ME STUPID STUPID ME. ugh =( im such a lozer. such a fuckign slut hoe bitch etc. wow i shouldn't be dissing myself. so i'll stop. but seriously, i was a holy mess last year and begining of this year. and now that im not as slutty...everything sucks. no i shouldn't say that!!! becus it doesnt. ugh this is all comign out so wrong. i love mike i really do. im just liek missing all the little things that matter to me. all the CUTE things that matter TO ME! all the sercret i love yous. whispered for no one else to hear. all the tiny kisses that no one else notices. all the sweet goodbyes, and the embracing hugs. all the "no worries" and all the "i know you've got my back, if i fall." im stupid stupid stupid. UGH. im thinking BAD THINGs. why the fuck am i thinking this?!??! i cant possibly tell you becus it's SO BAD. wow, im such a stupid hoe. slut bitch fucker. DAMN IT . i said iw oudlnt cuss myself out. JEEZE.
i'm stopping my entry. becus im too fucked up to continue.
just one more night with you....
do you make mistakes?