lost
im so tired of being here. it's like nothing that i do ever helps me. it always seems to go the other way, and it slaps me in the face in the end. there's nothing i can do to make it stop. well, not quite nothing. there is always something, but im guessing that if i DO do it, im gonna affect the people i love the most to feel like doing the same outcome i tried.
how ironic. i have a speech due next wednesday over this very topic and how to recognize the signs of it before it's too late. im so tired of not being loved. i try my very hardest to play by the line, "treat others and you want to be treated," know what i get? nothing! i get walked on. they take my kindness as weakness, and throw it in my face. im so tired of not being loved. there's not a single person i can turn to right now that can make me change my mind.
i love courtney and sophia and carla and sarah and tabitha...but they will never be able to fulfill the love i need. they fulfill the piece of my heart that needs the love of a best friend. in this case, the love of a group of best friends. but that's not filling me. that's about 49%. the other 51% goes to him.
my heart is crying out, and there's not a single person that will answer. the person i want to answer cant hear my heart screaming out. he doesnt understand how much i really need him. im so very insecure about how i look, and how i act. i'm such a bitch to people. not that that's really that much of a problem, but no guy appeals to me except for him.
that's why courtney, sophia, carla, sarah, and tabitha are the only ones that really understand how and who i am (when im at school). courtney the most, because she's exactly like me. pretty much in every way. people try to say they dont like her because they dont know her. i love her to death because she's so silly. yeah, she's one hell of a bitch and doesnt take people's shit, but duh, who isnt to people they dont like? yeah..told you.
i have no idea how to turn this around. but if i dont pretty soon im gonna get worse. all i really want is to be happy. all i want to be happy, is...
how ironic. i have a speech due next wednesday over this very topic and how to recognize the signs of it before it's too late. im so tired of not being loved. i try my very hardest to play by the line, "treat others and you want to be treated," know what i get? nothing! i get walked on. they take my kindness as weakness, and throw it in my face. im so tired of not being loved. there's not a single person i can turn to right now that can make me change my mind.
i love courtney and sophia and carla and sarah and tabitha...but they will never be able to fulfill the love i need. they fulfill the piece of my heart that needs the love of a best friend. in this case, the love of a group of best friends. but that's not filling me. that's about 49%. the other 51% goes to him.
my heart is crying out, and there's not a single person that will answer. the person i want to answer cant hear my heart screaming out. he doesnt understand how much i really need him. im so very insecure about how i look, and how i act. i'm such a bitch to people. not that that's really that much of a problem, but no guy appeals to me except for him.
that's why courtney, sophia, carla, sarah, and tabitha are the only ones that really understand how and who i am (when im at school). courtney the most, because she's exactly like me. pretty much in every way. people try to say they dont like her because they dont know her. i love her to death because she's so silly. yeah, she's one hell of a bitch and doesnt take people's shit, but duh, who isnt to people they dont like? yeah..told you.
i have no idea how to turn this around. but if i dont pretty soon im gonna get worse. all i really want is to be happy. all i want to be happy, is...