(no subject)
it's so hard to put into words just how you really feel. watch as i try my hardest to explain my feelings.
1. Overjoyed
WHY: Luke wrote the most heart-warming note to me on his page. For the first time in months, I was reminded what it's like to feel loved and to be loved. Then it took me two seconds to remember how much I love feeling loved.
2. Unglued
WHY: I can't help myself from feeling like my life is falling apart. The last 3 weeks have been either a horror story or a kick ass crazy fun story. I'm sorry, but there's only so much i can go thru without yanking my hair out of my head. and what i think is also horrible, is that i can't even count how many times i've been let down. whether it be by my own stupid ass, or by someone else.
3. Lonely
WHY: i'm so tired of being jerked around like a puppet. i do so much for so many people and do you think they even notice?! well guess what. they dont. and when i finally snap and decide they arent worth my time, theyre gonna be upset and miss me. not only am i lonely because i feel like no one cares about me.. but i miss being loved so much that it chokes me every day of the week, every hour of the day, every minute of the hour, every second of the minute, and every blink of my eye. something somehow somewhere, always reminds me of how bad i want to be happy.
and for the first time in a long time, i hit my knees before God and asked for something.. for me this time.
God, i'm so tired of being lonely. i'm so tired of crying. i need you so bad right now. please help me.. send me someone. anyone that can help me. send me someone to love. whether it be a friend to become close with, or someone that i can feel loved by and love in return. someone that knows that im not perfect. someone who can look past my imperfections and still find me perfect for him. i know i need to be patient, God. but i ask that you send me some patience, too.
for once, it wasn't to ask Him to bless someone. it was for me. and i can honestly say, it feels good to think about myself once in a while. i dont do that at all, so this time it was a relief.
other than that, besides the fact i'm falling apart inside and also.. bouncing around like a tennis ball..
i dont know what to say.
except..
Luke,
i still love you.