i'm going to go ahead and blame this on my cold medicine
for the past day, a small lizard has been trapped in our fire place. don't ask me how it got down there or why it couldn't get out, but it was there.
today i began a rescue mission. i placed one of my cats in front of the fire place to stand guard and alert me when the lizard surfaced while i researched. apparently we have a small colony of chameleons in our back yard and one wandered away and down our chimney and into our fire place. i set about devising a plan.
plan a:
1. wait until chameleon has attatched itself to either glass covering fire place
2. slowly slide open glass chameleon is not on
3. grab
4. run
5. don't drop
6. release into natural habitat
after several attempts at plan a, i realized that it simply would not work. every time i made a successful grab the little thing would wiggle loose and camoflage itself into the fire place soot. so, i devised plan b.
plan b:
1. wait until chameleon has attatched itself to either glass covering fire place
2. slowly slide open glass chameleon IS on
3. herd it down towards my hand which will be waiting to grab it
4. run
5. don't drop
6. release into natural habitat
i was only able to initate plan b after i returned from work. i came home and with a hazy mind recongnized the pre-agreed "chameleon on the glass" signal my cats and i had worked out. taking my time, i slid open the glass door thing the lizard was stuck to and started herding the precious soul into my saving hand.
problem one:
lizards don't like hands
just as i was about to grab and release to freedom, the chameleon did an unexpected trick. it walked around my hand.
problem two:
lizards are swift
no problem. the chameleon is now on our hearth thing and i'll just pick him up. my hand moves toward it and suddenly it's gone. now there is a small, invisible lizard lost in my house. as i sit on the hearth thinking to myself, i realize that it would be a lie to say that i am unhappy with the outcome of plan b. now inside the house, the chameleon now has a better chance for survival. there are plenty of bugs to eat and if it can avoid the cats it might have a pretty long and happy life. if i'm really lucky it's a female lizard. maybe it's pregnant or it can just do it's parthenogenesis thing and then we'll have a whole family. with any real luck the house will become over run and then we can be like those shrines in asia or india where they have all the monkeys that people travel from all over to bring food to. yes, i am satisfied with the outcome of plan b and i start to contemplate how to advertise our temple of chameleon. i call adam in the mean time.
while i'm on the phone a flash of green catches my eye. standing on the wall taunting me is el chameleon itself. i immediately forget what i'm talking about, abandon all dreams of a lizard temple and dive head first for the slippery creature. i dive. it dives. we all dive. it has wiggled itself behind the couch so obviously i follow. forget the fact that i don't fit behind the couch and i'm producing snot like a hag fish. back and forth behind-eth the couch we do go. just when it figures out it can escape by running under the couch i grab its tail. i'm fully expecting the tail to just pop off, but either the lizard has really mellowed out in the last few seconds or chameleons don't do that. i don't have time to wikipedia it because i'm holding a stunned lizard by it's tail, so i revert back to the end of my plans and run for the door. there really wasn't much need to run because the thing didn't move. i was actually pretty sure it was dead by the time i went to put it down outside. happily though it ran off to it's family. it's a good thing i didn't rely to heavily on my dreams of parthenogenesis becasue i'm pretty sure the angry red thing that sprand out of its neck meant that it was a man chameleon. such is life.
today i began a rescue mission. i placed one of my cats in front of the fire place to stand guard and alert me when the lizard surfaced while i researched. apparently we have a small colony of chameleons in our back yard and one wandered away and down our chimney and into our fire place. i set about devising a plan.
plan a:
1. wait until chameleon has attatched itself to either glass covering fire place
2. slowly slide open glass chameleon is not on
3. grab
4. run
5. don't drop
6. release into natural habitat
after several attempts at plan a, i realized that it simply would not work. every time i made a successful grab the little thing would wiggle loose and camoflage itself into the fire place soot. so, i devised plan b.
plan b:
1. wait until chameleon has attatched itself to either glass covering fire place
2. slowly slide open glass chameleon IS on
3. herd it down towards my hand which will be waiting to grab it
4. run
5. don't drop
6. release into natural habitat
i was only able to initate plan b after i returned from work. i came home and with a hazy mind recongnized the pre-agreed "chameleon on the glass" signal my cats and i had worked out. taking my time, i slid open the glass door thing the lizard was stuck to and started herding the precious soul into my saving hand.
problem one:
lizards don't like hands
just as i was about to grab and release to freedom, the chameleon did an unexpected trick. it walked around my hand.
problem two:
lizards are swift
no problem. the chameleon is now on our hearth thing and i'll just pick him up. my hand moves toward it and suddenly it's gone. now there is a small, invisible lizard lost in my house. as i sit on the hearth thinking to myself, i realize that it would be a lie to say that i am unhappy with the outcome of plan b. now inside the house, the chameleon now has a better chance for survival. there are plenty of bugs to eat and if it can avoid the cats it might have a pretty long and happy life. if i'm really lucky it's a female lizard. maybe it's pregnant or it can just do it's parthenogenesis thing and then we'll have a whole family. with any real luck the house will become over run and then we can be like those shrines in asia or india where they have all the monkeys that people travel from all over to bring food to. yes, i am satisfied with the outcome of plan b and i start to contemplate how to advertise our temple of chameleon. i call adam in the mean time.
while i'm on the phone a flash of green catches my eye. standing on the wall taunting me is el chameleon itself. i immediately forget what i'm talking about, abandon all dreams of a lizard temple and dive head first for the slippery creature. i dive. it dives. we all dive. it has wiggled itself behind the couch so obviously i follow. forget the fact that i don't fit behind the couch and i'm producing snot like a hag fish. back and forth behind-eth the couch we do go. just when it figures out it can escape by running under the couch i grab its tail. i'm fully expecting the tail to just pop off, but either the lizard has really mellowed out in the last few seconds or chameleons don't do that. i don't have time to wikipedia it because i'm holding a stunned lizard by it's tail, so i revert back to the end of my plans and run for the door. there really wasn't much need to run because the thing didn't move. i was actually pretty sure it was dead by the time i went to put it down outside. happily though it ran off to it's family. it's a good thing i didn't rely to heavily on my dreams of parthenogenesis becasue i'm pretty sure the angry red thing that sprand out of its neck meant that it was a man chameleon. such is life.