Today....
Today was I think by far the hardest day I have ever tried to pull through and it's still not even over. Ever second of the day today I wanted to call Amber so bad but I couldn't. Today would have been our 1 year and it sucks. We always said we would be together forever but forever came too soon. I miss her I really do and all the bullshit in the world couldn't change that. She was my first love and my first serious relationship. She made me smile like noone has ever done before and doubt will ever do. She made me laugh whenever I was upset. The littlest things about her made me want her even more. With ever thing inside of me I wish the night of December 31, 2004 never happened. I would give anythig up to have her back but then I think she's happy now and as much as I want to be with her I want her to be happy more. I would say that today I have thought about reacting the 31st a million times with just one change in it no ambulance. I havent though I pretty much tried to keep my mind off of it the whole day. I'm going to the beach tomorrow with Danni,Lee, and Brit I dont know how that will go though Lee's never seen me cry I guess there's a first for everything though. Each day that passes seems to get harder and harder. Each day I wake up wondering if it's the end. Each day I take my life in my own hands because I dont care anymore. She made me love my life and now that she's gone it feels like there is nothing left. But if tomorrow never comes there's one thing I want her to know...I died loving her just like I promised I would. One thing I wont find out though and never understand...Why her promises where broken.