Its Been A While
I really just wanted to vent. Somewhere. To someone. I dont really have anyone I can talk to that really knows what Ive been going through. This is my seventh month of trying and failing to concieve. The repetition is so draining. The expectation, the excitement, then the let down. Month after month. It is emotionally exhausting. And I have begun to get more and more depressed with each month that passes with another period. So now I am sitting in the break room at work, on my lunch break, fighting back tears because some irrational part of my brain is convinced that I will never be able to have a child. There are friends who know my struggle but they are all friends who have kids or are pregnant. They dont have this problem so all they can say is "aww well theres always next month" or something equally uncomforting. Not that theres really anything they could say that would really, truly, make me feel better. All I know is everything else in life keeps going and I just have to keep picking myself up and pressing on every. Single. Month. I continue to learn that getting your hopes up is never a good thing, because nothing is guaranteed and life does not owe you anything.
I dont know I just needed to voice this frustration somewhere because in 15 minutes I have to go back out there, pretend everything is okay, smile through my cramps and act as if I am not horrendously disappointed and sad on the inside. I just wanted someone to hear the truth.
I dont know I just needed to voice this frustration somewhere because in 15 minutes I have to go back out there, pretend everything is okay, smile through my cramps and act as if I am not horrendously disappointed and sad on the inside. I just wanted someone to hear the truth.