Leaps and Bounds
Today went well:) It was Jony's grandpa's memorial service, and although there were sad moments, it was mostly filled with happy memories and good times. I felt nervous a few times while I was there because of being around all of his family and worrying about having an attack and looking stupid, but a few things helped me through it. The first being I know his family's background and that most of the people there had something that they've delt with in the past that could be seen as shameful. So I reminded myself that we all have things that are negative in our lives but that it's a part of being human so why worry about it?
The second thing is that I focused on being there for Jony. Something my youth pastor told us last night was how it's not all about you, as much as that might hurt to hear lol. She was talking about how this lady was suppose to lead worship in front of a large group and she went into a quiet place and had a panic attack. Her husband found her like that and she said how she couldn't do it, there were too many people, what if she messed up? And he said to her, "well, if it was about you, that might matter." He wasn't saying it to be hurtful, but to be truthful. Sometimes we need to get out of our bodies and focus our attention on serving those around us. So I prayed a quick prayer for God to give me the strength to get through it because this was Jony and his family's time, not mine. Sometimes that doesnt always work, but with practice I think those times of panic will become much more managable.
Needless to say, I am getting much better. I feel like seeing some purpose for this trial has really improved my outlook on it; instead of fearing my panic attacks I see it as a time to grow closer to God and to become stronger. An analogy I thought of the other day was how when you are in battle with a fellow soldier, you build a bond that is impenetrable. I believe that is what God is doing in my life. Stay strong!
-Maria
ps. I also realized how blessed I am to have not only my family to love me, but Jony's family too. It's funny how when we are in our trials and bad moments that we forget all the great things we do have.
The second thing is that I focused on being there for Jony. Something my youth pastor told us last night was how it's not all about you, as much as that might hurt to hear lol. She was talking about how this lady was suppose to lead worship in front of a large group and she went into a quiet place and had a panic attack. Her husband found her like that and she said how she couldn't do it, there were too many people, what if she messed up? And he said to her, "well, if it was about you, that might matter." He wasn't saying it to be hurtful, but to be truthful. Sometimes we need to get out of our bodies and focus our attention on serving those around us. So I prayed a quick prayer for God to give me the strength to get through it because this was Jony and his family's time, not mine. Sometimes that doesnt always work, but with practice I think those times of panic will become much more managable.
Needless to say, I am getting much better. I feel like seeing some purpose for this trial has really improved my outlook on it; instead of fearing my panic attacks I see it as a time to grow closer to God and to become stronger. An analogy I thought of the other day was how when you are in battle with a fellow soldier, you build a bond that is impenetrable. I believe that is what God is doing in my life. Stay strong!
-Maria
ps. I also realized how blessed I am to have not only my family to love me, but Jony's family too. It's funny how when we are in our trials and bad moments that we forget all the great things we do have.