Survival Tip #5
I just know that these tips are going to save somebody's life, it's only a matter of time...
If you are skateboarding on a half-pipe, and you are not wearing pads or helmet, and you fall down, you must roll! Pretend you are on fire. Stop, drop, and roll... remember? Except you aren't stopping, you are going really fast, you have already started dropping, just don't forget the roll, and you will be fine. Also, don't let your head hit the ground. If you don't roll, your instinct will be to spread your limbs out far so as to spread the area of impact and reduce the points of contact with the half-pipe surface. This would normally work fine, except you are still moving. You will leave a trail of skin on the beautiful woodwork, and that isn't being very considerate to the other skaters, now is it?
If you are traveling down the highway, rolling doesn't quite work as well. If you are riding an unsteady skateboard, you will remember next time to tighten your trucks. However, it is too late for that now... you can try to steady the board some by "tacking" the highway, that is where you slowly drift left for awhile and then slowly drift back right again. This will steady you by allowing you to place different angles of force on the wheels (think of snow skiing down a hill, it also helps slow you down). If you just stand there and keep going straight, you will start the "death wobble" which will throw you off, you poor soul. If this happens, DO NOT TRY TO LAND ON YOUR FEET! You are traveling much too fast, your feet will hit and the top of your body will continue to travel. You will kiss the pavement and lose all of your teeth. More than likely, you will also lose your upper lip and break your nose. If you are going fast enough without a helmet, you will probably get a concussion, and if you black out, you might be run over by an unsuspecting motorist. Isn't it strange how such a simple little toy could result in your untimely demise? Once the "Death Wobble" begins, all of my instructions should flash through your mind very quickly... and what happens next depends greatly on your guardian angel's ability to take over control of your body. Don't resist it, he knows what he is doing, he has kept you alive all of these years after all.
OK, the basic idea is to do a front flip and either land on your back or if possible on your heels. Do not land on your head, we won't be impressed with your little stunt at your funeral. I wouldn't recommend landing on your back if you aren't wearing several shirts. If you are wearing several shirts, good for you, you were thinking ahead! If you play it safe and land on your back, your momentum will lift you up onto your feet. Way to go! If you aren't wearing a shirt at all, you had best try to ditch in the grass on the shoulder.
It's best not to try to think about it too hard, but you must jump. You can't wait until you fall or it will be too late. Once you start to fall, there is no way to propel yourself in order to tuck and land. If you try to tuck without enough force, you will wish you had tried ditching in the grass, because you will not only kiss the pavement, but you will do so twice as hard because your head was forcefully moving down. It's best to pray before going down a highway, and confess all your sins. And I would only do it in a little town like Alva after 2 a.m. (watch out for drunk drivers as well). Don't do it in Oklahoma City, you maniac.
It might be a good idea to take a friend along as well, then if one of you has to ditch, the other could always go for help. Or if you get a concussion and black out, your buddy could save your life and drag you off of the highway.
Happy Skating!
If you are skateboarding on a half-pipe, and you are not wearing pads or helmet, and you fall down, you must roll! Pretend you are on fire. Stop, drop, and roll... remember? Except you aren't stopping, you are going really fast, you have already started dropping, just don't forget the roll, and you will be fine. Also, don't let your head hit the ground. If you don't roll, your instinct will be to spread your limbs out far so as to spread the area of impact and reduce the points of contact with the half-pipe surface. This would normally work fine, except you are still moving. You will leave a trail of skin on the beautiful woodwork, and that isn't being very considerate to the other skaters, now is it?
If you are traveling down the highway, rolling doesn't quite work as well. If you are riding an unsteady skateboard, you will remember next time to tighten your trucks. However, it is too late for that now... you can try to steady the board some by "tacking" the highway, that is where you slowly drift left for awhile and then slowly drift back right again. This will steady you by allowing you to place different angles of force on the wheels (think of snow skiing down a hill, it also helps slow you down). If you just stand there and keep going straight, you will start the "death wobble" which will throw you off, you poor soul. If this happens, DO NOT TRY TO LAND ON YOUR FEET! You are traveling much too fast, your feet will hit and the top of your body will continue to travel. You will kiss the pavement and lose all of your teeth. More than likely, you will also lose your upper lip and break your nose. If you are going fast enough without a helmet, you will probably get a concussion, and if you black out, you might be run over by an unsuspecting motorist. Isn't it strange how such a simple little toy could result in your untimely demise? Once the "Death Wobble" begins, all of my instructions should flash through your mind very quickly... and what happens next depends greatly on your guardian angel's ability to take over control of your body. Don't resist it, he knows what he is doing, he has kept you alive all of these years after all.
OK, the basic idea is to do a front flip and either land on your back or if possible on your heels. Do not land on your head, we won't be impressed with your little stunt at your funeral. I wouldn't recommend landing on your back if you aren't wearing several shirts. If you are wearing several shirts, good for you, you were thinking ahead! If you play it safe and land on your back, your momentum will lift you up onto your feet. Way to go! If you aren't wearing a shirt at all, you had best try to ditch in the grass on the shoulder.
It's best not to try to think about it too hard, but you must jump. You can't wait until you fall or it will be too late. Once you start to fall, there is no way to propel yourself in order to tuck and land. If you try to tuck without enough force, you will wish you had tried ditching in the grass, because you will not only kiss the pavement, but you will do so twice as hard because your head was forcefully moving down. It's best to pray before going down a highway, and confess all your sins. And I would only do it in a little town like Alva after 2 a.m. (watch out for drunk drivers as well). Don't do it in Oklahoma City, you maniac.
It might be a good idea to take a friend along as well, then if one of you has to ditch, the other could always go for help. Or if you get a concussion and black out, your buddy could save your life and drag you off of the highway.
Happy Skating!