One, 2 Three
*Sigh*
Big fucking sigh.
sad face.
Mason.
Mason and I have been hangin out a lot lately, getting along really well. I had kinda decided that I was okay with the lets be friends idea. That was until he started to get awfully friendly, he wasnt acting like a 'friend' he was getting closer than that, fucking with my head! thats what he was doing.
Last night I stayed at his house, we got super snuggly, no sex. It doesnt feel like it has to be about sex with him, but apparantly I'm wrong...because tonight I went with him to a program about the middle east, it was pretty interesting but then we got back to his house and I cant even remember house this fucking conversation came up, but we just had to talk about shana again.
He ended up saying something along the lines of:
Shana wants to try a relationship, but not be in one...but she does want to have sex.
Would it bother our friendship if he was with shana..
*sigh sigh sigh*
I told him we're friends, and it wouldnt bother me. but he cant touch me, and he cant say things...things that make me think he likes me..................things he says all the time!
I feel all let down again.
So i hung out for a little while longer, i really wanted to just leave immidiately after that conversation was over, but I didnt want it to seem like I was sad or something, but apparantly that didnt work either because he calls me when I'm almost home, I shouldnt have even answered...but I did and he says:
I wasnt saying that we are better off as friends, I was just saying for now friends are better.
I said yeah i get it,
but you know what i really get out of that, is that its just not a convieniant time for me to be more than a friend, because he's not done with shana yet, hes got to get the last fucking drop out of her!! goddammmmmmmit!
i am pissed again.
WHy are guys like that.
why are people like that.
why am i like this
ugh, i dont even know where my heads at right now. its all over the place, one second i'm sad, then i'm mad, then i'm dissapinted, let down, so mad! jealous, a little jealous, pissed off, kinda hurt, not very bright.
i knew better.
i just need to go to sleep.
sleep it off.
time heals everything.
just give it a little time and the feelings will fade, and i'll be on my way to fucking with my heart once again.
its not so bad.
you know its really not so bad.
right now i feel sad, but i know that theres so much more.
masons a good friend, i just dont like the way he makes me feel...but i'm just going to have to get over that.
I'm feeling a little better now.