(no subject)
gosh
i get sick of her sometimes
it drives me crazy
i was like "mom, can i go to Zach's on Friday, it's his birthday"
and the first thing she says is "i don't like the Matt Parrott situation"
it pisses me off
just because that's his best friend doesn't mean he has anything to do with it
she hates him and it sucks
Matt and i are getting along, and i love him to death and then she starts it up
she did this with Michael, and with Joey
i'm sick of losing my friends because of her
i lost the best friend in the world because of her and now he's dying
i love my mother, i do, i promise
its just that i wished she could understand
and i tried to tell her, i honestly did, i really really really tried
i'm not being a stupid kid here
I REALLY FUCKING TRIED
i did
and i really did lose my best friend because of her
i'm NOT BEING A STUPID KID
I'M NOT GODDAMNIT, I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M BEING EXTREMELY FUCKING SERIOUS
it happened, i'm not trying to push the blame on someone else, i'm speaking the truth
I'M NOT A LIAR
WHY AM I GOING CRAZY???
I WISH I COULD SCREAM THIS OUT LOUD
I THINK I REACHED MY BREAKING POINT
EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN BOTTLED UP INSIDE OF ME IS LEAKING OUT
IT'S FUCKING SPEWING OUT EVERYWHERE
I'M SORRY
I'M YELLING HERE BECAUSE I CAN'T DO IT IN REAL LIFE
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
BELIEVE ME I'M FUCKING SORRY
i hate losing people. i hate it
and now i just lost another one
I HATE IT
I FUCKING HATE IT
WHY??????
WHY!!!!??!!!??!
WHY DO I HAVE TO LOSE EVERYBODY
WHY?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!
GODDAMNIT WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just want to know
i'm going crazy
i really am
Michael called me yesterday
and then only thing he said was "i love you Laurah, good bye"
and then he hung up the phone
why did i just type that
why am i still typing
why am i still thinking
why do i care
why do you care
why am i here
why don't i just go
why am i thinking this
why didn't it think of this before
why am i creeping myself out
why do i want to die
why do i want to live
why doesn't life make sense
why does God love me
why do i love God
why is God here for me
why am i not here for God
why do i have friends
do i have friends?
why do i not have friends
why am i going crazy now
why not later
why when i want everything to be good
why isn't everything good
why do i want to go home
why do i still call it home
why now of all times do i wish i could talk to Joey
why would he care
does he care?
why wouldn't he care
why did he love me
why does he still love me
does he still love me?
i still love him, but it's not enough
why is it not enough
why am i asking all these questions
why do i care what my mother thinks
why don't i care what my mother thinks
why now
why here
why me
i get sick of her sometimes
it drives me crazy
i was like "mom, can i go to Zach's on Friday, it's his birthday"
and the first thing she says is "i don't like the Matt Parrott situation"
it pisses me off
just because that's his best friend doesn't mean he has anything to do with it
she hates him and it sucks
Matt and i are getting along, and i love him to death and then she starts it up
she did this with Michael, and with Joey
i'm sick of losing my friends because of her
i lost the best friend in the world because of her and now he's dying
i love my mother, i do, i promise
its just that i wished she could understand
and i tried to tell her, i honestly did, i really really really tried
i'm not being a stupid kid here
I REALLY FUCKING TRIED
i did
and i really did lose my best friend because of her
i'm NOT BEING A STUPID KID
I'M NOT GODDAMNIT, I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M BEING EXTREMELY FUCKING SERIOUS
it happened, i'm not trying to push the blame on someone else, i'm speaking the truth
I'M NOT A LIAR
WHY AM I GOING CRAZY???
I WISH I COULD SCREAM THIS OUT LOUD
I THINK I REACHED MY BREAKING POINT
EVERYTHING THAT HAS BEEN BOTTLED UP INSIDE OF ME IS LEAKING OUT
IT'S FUCKING SPEWING OUT EVERYWHERE
I'M SORRY
I'M YELLING HERE BECAUSE I CAN'T DO IT IN REAL LIFE
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'M SORRY
I'M SORRY
BELIEVE ME I'M FUCKING SORRY
i hate losing people. i hate it
and now i just lost another one
I HATE IT
I FUCKING HATE IT
WHY??????
WHY!!!!??!!!??!
WHY DO I HAVE TO LOSE EVERYBODY
WHY?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!
GODDAMNIT WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just want to know
i'm going crazy
i really am
Michael called me yesterday
and then only thing he said was "i love you Laurah, good bye"
and then he hung up the phone
why did i just type that
why am i still typing
why am i still thinking
why do i care
why do you care
why am i here
why don't i just go
why am i thinking this
why didn't it think of this before
why am i creeping myself out
why do i want to die
why do i want to live
why doesn't life make sense
why does God love me
why do i love God
why is God here for me
why am i not here for God
why do i have friends
do i have friends?
why do i not have friends
why am i going crazy now
why not later
why when i want everything to be good
why isn't everything good
why do i want to go home
why do i still call it home
why now of all times do i wish i could talk to Joey
why would he care
does he care?
why wouldn't he care
why did he love me
why does he still love me
does he still love me?
i still love him, but it's not enough
why is it not enough
why am i asking all these questions
why do i care what my mother thinks
why don't i care what my mother thinks
why now
why here
why me