waste of a day
okay so i don't know what my problem is, but i can't stop thinking about the past on my days off. i try so hard to be happy and upbeat but today, i was just flat out down. it might be because i got myspace messages from brian, and those always cheer me up - cuz i really cared about him and it is nice to know that he thinks about me. so anyways, my ear hurts, my face is all broken out and i just feel like shit. i don't know what the hell is wrong with me but i don't feel like me. whatever that i supposed to feel like exactly. i am just not my happy go lucky self. i don't mind that i don't go out and socialize and i almost rather go to work then sit at home and have time to think. and i also am really sad because i haven't heard anything back from these interviews. damn, it all just sucks. i feel like i am starting from scratch all over again. but wouldn't it be better if i were in a different city or town? not back in worcester where everyone alreay know who i am and all that crap? one minute i am fine, the next i am crying. what the hell is wrong with me? this is all self inflicted. i know i can achieve. i want to find a job, find a lover, get married, have a family. i want all of these things and i don't want to wait. i am 23!! i don't want to have my first kid when i am 30. i need to calm down and stop thinking.. maybe i will just try to read and get some sleep. i am making a mountain out of a molehill. i want someone to love - and love me back wholly. goodnight.