(no subject)
...random thoughts...
i finally understand why i dont want people to know how i really feel inside. They will all think that i am selfish. but then again, maybe i have a right to be. most of my life i have put everyone before me bc i was scared that they would think i am selfish. but im tired of this. i want to be selfish. im tired of caring what others think. for once i want the world to revolve around me
sometimes i think it would be better if we were all emotionless. im tired of having all of these random emotions in me. im tired of being depressed. im tired of being lonley. im tired of being in love with somthing i cant have. im tired of feelings. they drive me insane. im tired of being everyones shadow... im tired of being with all of these people who are supposed to be my friends. If they were my true friends then they would realize how sad and depressed i really am. But no, they are all bundled up in their own little world to care about me. is it really to much to ask for someone to care? as philophobic as i am.. i just want someone to love me, to care about me.. to REALLY care, not just pretend. im scared of telling people that i want that. bc they will all think that im selfish. but its not fair. they all have that special someone, their significant other.. but me..no, im lonley, bc no one cares... and the worst part about me is im to scared to let anyone care. im scared that i will let them too close to me and then they will turn out like everyone else in the world and leave me without any explination, or they will find someone better to be around and please dont tell me that you really care. i have learned to block things that people say.. and if you tell me that you do then i will call you a liar, bc if you really did care then you would help me.