Freakin' hilarious
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Liverpool chemistry final exam.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or
some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do
not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls
go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at
the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are
added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Joyce during my freshman
year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,"
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic
and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
divine being - which explains why, last night, Joyce kept shouting
"Oh my God."
this student recieved the only "A"
Liverpool chemistry final exam.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law
that gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or
some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at
the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that, if you are not a member of their religion, you
will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do
not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls
go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the
number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at
the rate of change of the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states
that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
constant, the volume of Hell must expand proportionately as souls are
added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will
increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls
in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Joyce during my freshman
year, that "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,"
and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic
and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
extinct...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a
divine being - which explains why, last night, Joyce kept shouting
"Oh my God."
this student recieved the only "A"