(no subject)
holy fuckin goddamn shit! i am so scared... like i am totally shaking right now. wtf was i thinking? i got sooo uncomfortable at brandons and im not going to go into detail about what happened to make me uncomfortable but i kept like telling him i was like 'stop you have a girlfriend' and he was like 'no it doesnt matter shes not here' and i was like 'it does matter stop you have a girlfriend' and he started getting really pissed off and i kept telling him not to be mad at me that i didnt think itd be like this cuz i told him he was like my big brother and he was like 'i still am' and then he kept making me feel bad cuz he was like 'youre making me sad' and i was like 'brandon take me home NOW' and it took me like fuckin 40 minutes to actually get him to take me home and the reason he eventually did was cuz i told him i was gonna call my dad to come pick me up. and while we were on our way to my house the fuckin cops pulled us over. two of them. one was a state trooper and the other was austin police. and they came up to the car and one was like "state trooper. sir, please step out of the vehicle" and i was like holy shit im going to be fucked. and they both talked to brandon for a while then one guy came up to my side and shined his lights in the back seat then opened my door and he was like 'so where are yall going tonight?' and i was like 'hes taking me home' and he was like 'oh ok can i ask how old you are?' and i was like '...i turn 16 in 4 days sir' and he was like 'excuse me how old did you say you were?' and i was like 'im 15' and he looks at me and he was like '15? are you lying? ...do your parents know youre out this late?' and i was like 'no sir they dont' and he was like 'they dont huh... well what do you think they would do if we called them right now and told them where you are' and i was like '...um theyd probably be mad, sir' and he was like 'theyd probably be mad... okay well you stay in the car' and i was like 'yes sir' and he started to walk away then he walked back and was like 'is there any alcohol in the vehicle?' and i was like 'no sir. not that i know of, no.' and he was like okay and shut the door and walked away. and at this point i was almost in tears and i was totally shaking but i kept calm cuz the austin cop dude was watching me the whoooole time. and then i heard them talking and the state trooper asked the other cop if there was a curfew and he was like 'yeah but just let him get her home' and so they let us go but they gave him a ticket for not wearing his glasses while he was driving. and so brandon got back in the car and we were talking about it and he was like 'whatd that guy ask you' and i was like 'just my age and where we were going... oh and he asked me if there was any alcohol in the car' and brandon was like 'no there aint, but theres some drugs' and i was like 'WTF! i though you didnt do them anymore since you got arrested!' and he was like 'i dont, i just sell em.' and i was like holy fuck... im just glad im home and safe now. im still all shakey and i wish i could go cry to my dad but i think since im not in trouble that wouldnt be a good idea.
i just keep thinking that maybe if i hadnt of wasted my time the last 4 months then maybe id have a serious relationship and i would have been with my boy tonight instead of brandon and i wouldnt feel so... violated.. is that the right word? or maybe if i hadnt done something to make my friends not want to be with me or whatever the fuck is going on them maybe i woulda been with them tonight. or if i had moved with my mom like i was going to id be safe and sound in the appartments with a gaurd at the entrance.
god im so stupid... but i honestly didnt think he was like that or that itd be like that or anything.
why do guys i care about like to make me feel like this? kinda lost and confused and hurt and sometimes even scared. honestly... tell me what i did. i would never do anything like what youve done to me to you. i wouldnt want to make you feel like this... so i dont understand how yall can so easily make me feel this way and just be like "eh whatever doesnt matter"
okay im going to bed... i hope yalls night was better than mine
~aimée~
i just keep thinking that maybe if i hadnt of wasted my time the last 4 months then maybe id have a serious relationship and i would have been with my boy tonight instead of brandon and i wouldnt feel so... violated.. is that the right word? or maybe if i hadnt done something to make my friends not want to be with me or whatever the fuck is going on them maybe i woulda been with them tonight. or if i had moved with my mom like i was going to id be safe and sound in the appartments with a gaurd at the entrance.
god im so stupid... but i honestly didnt think he was like that or that itd be like that or anything.
why do guys i care about like to make me feel like this? kinda lost and confused and hurt and sometimes even scared. honestly... tell me what i did. i would never do anything like what youve done to me to you. i wouldnt want to make you feel like this... so i dont understand how yall can so easily make me feel this way and just be like "eh whatever doesnt matter"
okay im going to bed... i hope yalls night was better than mine
~aimée~