Shattered Love (Chapter 1)
Title: Shattered Love
Pairings: Yunjae & Yoosu
Genre: Angst, romance, drama
Rating: From PG to NC-17
Length 1/8
Summary: Things become slightly unstable in DBSK when Jaejoong asks for one night from Yunho.
Warnings: Mild cursing and a few rated scenes.
=--------------------------------------=
Graceful body moving to the steady rhythm of the music, totally engrossed within the melody pulsing through his body; ignorant of the pair of eyes watching him from across the room; eyes that filled with longing as he watched muscles flex under honey colored skin as complicated moves were made to look simple by that god of dance.
Everything within him ached to scream out his feelings. His body burned with the need to feel those strong arms enveloping him. Yet he couldn’t say a word; he couldn’t let anyone know that he longed for such forbidden fruit. The consequences of such an action would rip his life to shreds, not to mention the person he most cared about. The person he loved.
“Jaejoong Hyung?” Dark eyes fluttered away from Yunho’s dancing from as Jae flinched and turned to face Yoochun.
“What’s up?” Jaejoong asked, trying to cover the look of pain on his face, but the ever watchful Yoochun knew his hyung far too well to not see that look. It was a look that he had hardly ever seen mar the ethereal face of Kim Jaejoong. It was a look that caused him to worry instantly.
“…nothing…” Yoochun breathed, extending a water bottle towards Jaejoong. Jaejoong had always been the one to keep things to himself and Yoochun knew better than to bug him during their practice.
“Thanks.” The elder boy replied softly, extending a delicate hand to accept the bottle of water. “Yunho’s really working hard.” Jaejoong turned his face away as Yoochun began to speak on the one subject he wanted to avoid…Yunho.
“Yeah, I guess he is…” He brushed the comment off quickly before twisting off the cap of his water bottle.
“I heard you weren’t feeling well this morning…?” Yoochun stated easily, trying to find some non-obtrusive way to weasel a reason for Jaejoong’s pouty mood out of the older boy.
Jaejoong sent a quick glance towards Yunho’s form as the younger boy twisted in mid air, his arms arching gracefully over his head as he completed the step.
“Hyung…?” Jaejoong flinched slightly and turned to look at Yoochun, he’d once again gotten lost within the beautiful form that was Jung Yunho. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“Are you feeling okay?”
Jaejoong stood from his chair, unable to keep himself in a sitting position any longer, “yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” He shrugged off Yoochun’s question as he moved onto the dance floor, making sure to keep away from Yunho’s enticing form.
It was almost too hard to concentrate with Yunho standing so close. It felt like someone had sucked the air straight from his lungs, making it impossible for him to breath, much less perform his dance steps.
“Oh sorry!” Jae gushed as he staggered and ran into Junsu.
“It’s fine, Hyung.” Junsu stated easily. “If you’re having trouble with your steps, you should talk to Yunho for some help.” The younger member suggested with a soft smile towards his mother-like band mate.
“What should you ask me for?” Yunho questioned as he strolled up, body soaked and heaving as he sought to pull in oxygen to his over-worked lungs.
Jaejoong jumped slightly, the air quickly vacating his lungs as he saw Yunho’s appealing form standing before him. “N-Nothing.” He assured quickly as he started to edge away from Yunho. He just had to make it to the door.
“Jae needs help with his steps.” Junsu supplied with as smile.
“Oh, is that all?” Yunho laughed as he swung his arm over Junsu’s shoulder.
Jaejoong flinched, his brow furrowing slightly. Yunho had always been a touchy person, but he seemed to show a kind of special affection towards Junsu at times.
A vile feeling of pain rushed through Jaejoong’s body as he watched Yunho ruffle Junsu’s hair. Why didn’t Yunho ever touch him like that? Why was he the only one Yunho didn’t smother with affection?
Every time Jaejoong rested his head on Yunho’s shoulder, or linked his arm with him, the younger boy would pull away and usually leave. It hurt Jaejoong more that he was willing to admit.
“Come on, Hyung.” Yunho beckoned as he strolled out onto the center of the dance floor.
Jaejoong glanced up, black hair falling across his face at the sudden movement.
Did he want to be close to Yunho when he knew he could never have the kind of affection he was searching for? He wasn’t sure if the answer was yes or no. Confusion was his constant companion now days. He could hardly speak to Yunho anymore due to his nervousness.
“Oh, okay, I’m coming.” The elder by replied, trying to still the quiver in his voice.
Yunho cocked an eyebrow at Jaejoong, a look of bemusement fluttering across his narrow face.
“Just start the routine and I’ll stop you if I see something that needs work.” Yunho commented, shrugging off his early feeling of confusion at Jaejoong’s odd behavior.
Jaejoong could feel his pulse quicken as Yunho turned concentrated eyes upon him. How was he supposed to dance when all he could think about was the person standing next to him?
“Sounds good.” He finally managed to breath past the lump in his throat.
Taking a small moment to pull in a calming breath, Jaejoong quickly tried to calm his nerves as he moved into the first few steps of the routine. The beginning was easy enough because he’d practiced it so many times. The second part however, he’d only practiced once or twice and he could feel his mind and body beginning to draw a blank as to the next steps.
“The spin is next.” Yunho called, watching as Jaejoong’s movements slowed and became less confident.
“Oh.” Jae whispered as he recalled the step Yunho was referring to. It was a spine where he pushed his left arm above his head as he jumped, spread his feet and moved into the turn with the momentum from his jump.
Of course, knowing what the move required was totally different from being able to pull it off.
Just as he’d thought would happen, he lost his balance halfway through the spin, stumbled and went careening across the dance floor in a confused daze.
The next thing he felt was a strong jolt and the feeling of another body against his own.
Dark eyes slowly unclenched and fluttered open to reveal a broad chest clad in a white T-shirt soaked through with sweat.
Jaejoong didn’t even have to glance up to know that he was in Yunho’s arms. The younger boy’s exotic, musky smell was something that he’d had never smelled on anyone…except for Yunho, which made it twice as important to Jae.
“You okay?”
Jaejoong sucked in a breath as he felt Yunho’s breath whisper over his forehead. It was like he had become hypersensitive to touch with the way his body was tingling at Yunho’s ever move.
“I’m fine.” Jaejoong whispered, too scared to meet Yunho’s gaze. He knew he couldn’t hide the look of unadulterated love lurking within his eyes and pulsing through his body.
“That’s good.” Yunho stated easily as his hands dropped from Jaejoong’s waist.
“Y-Yeah.” Jaejoong stuttered as he took a few steps away from Yunho. He didn’t know if he would be able to stand being in the same room with Yunho much longer.
Every time he looked at the younger boy, he felt a jolt of pain and desire rush through his body.
“I think I’m going to go. Headache.” Jae muttered as he swiftly turned and made a B-line for the door.
“Headache? Are you sure you’re alright?” Yunho asked as he trotted after Jaejoong, brow furrowed in a look of concern.
The elder boy bit his bottom lip, deciding to ignore Yunho and just get out of the room before he started crying, something he did often these days, even if he did hate to cry.
“Jaejoong?” Yunho, slowed, brow furrowing at his hyung’s odd behavior. “What’s wrong?”
“Just ignore it.” He repeated in his head as he moved towards the door, hands clenched at his side as if this simple movement would keep him from losing his determination to leave the room.
“Jaejoong! I’m talking to you!” Yunho growled as he pulled up behind Jaejoong and swung him around so they were standing face-to-face, hardly an inch apart, Yunho’s friendly demeanor had been swept away to be replaced by a look of authority he used when angry at his members.
“Huh?” Jaejoong muttered, eyes growing larger as he focused on Yunho’s pair of full lips. They looked so soft…so kissable.
“What are you doing?” Jaejoong flinched and inched back slightly, he hadn’t even noticed that he’d been slowly leaning into Yunho, intent on feeling the younger boy’s lips on his own.
“S-sorry, just a little d-dizzy.” Jaejoong quickly amended but made no move to step back. He wanted to stay as close to Yunho as he could, even if it meant making the younger boy angry.
“Why didn’t you answer me?” Yunho demanded, brushing off Jaejoong’s comment.
“Huh…?” Jaejoong once again found himself getting lost within Yunho’s subtle eyes and seductive voice. It was hard to concentrate. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just give Yunho a small kiss? The younger boy always gave the other boys pecks on their cheeks whenever they left the house…why couldn’t he do the same to the band leader? Maybe, just maybe, Yunho wouldn’t mind…maybe he would return the kiss. Was it possible?
“Jaejoong, pay attention to me.” Yunho commanded, his hand coming up to tilt Jaejoong’s face so the older boy was looking into his eyes rather than giving his lips a dazed look.
“Okay.” Jaejoong breathed, not hearing a word Yunho said. He’d decided; he was going to take the chance and plant a kiss on Yunho’s succulent lips.
“Alright…? What?” Yunho muttered as Jaejoong slowly leaned towards him, eyes glowing with something that scared Yunho slightly. “Stop it, Jaejoong.” Yunho commanded softly, his hand coming up and resting on Jaejoong’s shoulder to prevent him from moving any closer.
Jaejoong brushed Yunho’s hand away and rose onto his toes, his lips moving forward and latching onto Yunho’s surprisingly soft lips. It was like running his lips over pure silk that sent electric jolts down his body.
There was a pause of about four seconds before Yunho lifted his hands and gentle pushed Jaejoong away, a sad look filling his eyes. “Don’t do this, Jaejoong. I can’t return your feelings. Not with the position we’re in; not with the kind of life we live.”
Jaejoong took a step back, a huge wave of despair swallowing him as pain sank her venomous claws into his heart. Yunho didn’t want him and, from what it sounded like, he never would.
This fact wasn’t new to Jaejoong, but hearing it come from Yunho himself set a kind of finality about it that left no room for Jaejoong to hope for a future with the person he loved.
Before he knew it, he was angry, angry at himself for loving Yunho and angry at Yunho for rejecting him.
“Not with the kind of life we live? Well that’s a convenient excuse. If you don’t want me just say it to my face! Don’t hide behind lame reasons why you don’t like me!” He burst out, voice lifting into a yell as he shoved Yunho away, tears prickling his eyes as he spoke.
Yunho’s face turned dark at Jaejoong’s outburst, he was obviously unhappy with his band member’s behavior. “That’s enough, Jaejoong.” He warned in a dark voice, refusing to get into a fight with the emotionally wounded boy.
“No it’s not enough! I want to know the real reason why you can’t love me! The reason you reject my love like it’s something disgusting.”
“Jaejoong, if things weren’t the way they were, then mayb-"
“’Things?" Jaejoong cut in, "Would one of those things have to do with me being a guy?”
“Yes.”
“So what if I’m a guy! My love is just the same as any girls. I still feel excited when I see you, I still can’t breathe when you’re close to me…I can’t think straight when you touch me or even speak to me! How is this different from love from any girl?”
“Jaejoong, stop it!” Yunho snapped, bringing his palm against the older boys face in a harsh slap.
Jaejoong froze, his eyes instantly filling with tears. Yunho had hit him…hard…but it was nothing compared to the pain within his heart, the pain of knowing that Yunho didn’t and would never love him.
Without saying anything, he turned to run away, his steps echoing in the cavernous practice room.
“Stay here.” Yunho commanded the other shocked members as he took off after Jaejoong.
“Jae, stop!” Yunho called as he burst through the door and saw Jaejoong waiting for the elevator at the end of the hall.
Dark eyes shifted towards Yunho, tears streaming down his face in a stumbling pattern as Jaejoong shook with the force of his hardly contained sobs. He didn’t think he could speak…he knew he couldn’t speak. Not when the pain was still suffocating him. So he just stared at Yunho for a long moment before turning and dashing towards the stairwell.
“Jaejoong!” Yunho yelled as he took after the smaller boy, angry written across his face.
“Stop, Jaejoong!” He tried again as he jerked open the stairwell door and started descending the steps.
Jaejoong didn’t want to hear Yunho, he didn’t want to be alive if he couldn’t have the thing that gave his entire life meaning.
Too busy trying to wipe away his tears, Jaejoong missed a step at the bottom and tumbled onto the metal landing with a loud smack.
Yunho froze when he saw Jaejoong trip, scared that something might have happened to his band mate. “Ya! Jaejoong!” Yunho growled as he quickly dismounted the steps and jerked Jaejoong off the floor.
“What do you think you’re doing? You could have hurt yourself!” The band leader growled, his voice edging into a yell as he grabbed Jaejoong’s shoulders and gave him a rough shake.
“I don’t care if I get hurt!” Jae fired back, tears still streaming from his eyes, “I don’t care if I die. Without you nothing is important!” He shot at Yunho, jerking free of his hold.
“Stop acting like it’s the end of the world, Jaejoong. You can still move on and live a normal life…without me.” Yunho stated firmly, trying to cut off any of the protests he knew Jaejoong was forming in his head.
“Please, Yunho!” Jaejoong moaned, pressing closer to the younger boy, “give me one night with you and I’ll never mention anything again, I’ll keep everything to myself and never bother you with my affection again. I’ll be happy knowing that you at least gave me a chance before turning me down.” He knew he was begging, knew how pitiful he was for asking something like this of Yunho. But without a taste of him, Jaejoong couldn’t keep going…never knowing what it was like to be held and caressed by those strong arms…it would be too painful.
“Absolutely not.” Yunho stated without hesitation, taking a step away from Jaejoong so as to deter further perusal of the suggestion.
“Please, Yunho!” He tried again, his heart sinking at the cold look in Yunho’s eyes. Didn’t the man feel anything for him? Did he really not feel a twinge of sadness at Jaejoong’s overwhelming pain?
“One night and everything between us will be forgotten.”
“Jaejoong-.” Jae lifted his hand and pressed it against Yunho’s lips, silencing him, “don’t give me an answer yet. Tonight…I’ll wait for you in the guest bedroom…if you want to get this behind us, then come at midnight…I’ll be waiting.” With that, Jaejoong turned and continued his way down the stairs, his heart pounding with pain and the slightest morsel of hope.
=-----------------------------------------=
A/N: So I have finally posted Shattered Love here. This is the first Yunjae fanfiction I wrote. I guess I wrote it around the end of 2007...maybe around October. Anyway, I kind of hate this fanfiction as much as I love it. First problem is the writing style. It sucks. Second is the way I wrote Jaejoong. Ugh! It would have been easier just to make him a girl! But I'm willing to forgive myself because I was just getting into Yunjae at the time and I was just writing Jae the way I'd read him in all the other fanfictions. So yeah, it's a pretty short fanfiction, just around 8 chapters...I guess. The updates will be a lot shorter than what I usually write now. Ha, the next chapter contains my first smut scene! ~Woo~
Pairings: Yunjae & Yoosu
Genre: Angst, romance, drama
Rating: From PG to NC-17
Length 1/8
Summary: Things become slightly unstable in DBSK when Jaejoong asks for one night from Yunho.
Warnings: Mild cursing and a few rated scenes.
=--------------------------------------=
Graceful body moving to the steady rhythm of the music, totally engrossed within the melody pulsing through his body; ignorant of the pair of eyes watching him from across the room; eyes that filled with longing as he watched muscles flex under honey colored skin as complicated moves were made to look simple by that god of dance.
Everything within him ached to scream out his feelings. His body burned with the need to feel those strong arms enveloping him. Yet he couldn’t say a word; he couldn’t let anyone know that he longed for such forbidden fruit. The consequences of such an action would rip his life to shreds, not to mention the person he most cared about. The person he loved.
“Jaejoong Hyung?” Dark eyes fluttered away from Yunho’s dancing from as Jae flinched and turned to face Yoochun.
“What’s up?” Jaejoong asked, trying to cover the look of pain on his face, but the ever watchful Yoochun knew his hyung far too well to not see that look. It was a look that he had hardly ever seen mar the ethereal face of Kim Jaejoong. It was a look that caused him to worry instantly.
“…nothing…” Yoochun breathed, extending a water bottle towards Jaejoong. Jaejoong had always been the one to keep things to himself and Yoochun knew better than to bug him during their practice.
“Thanks.” The elder boy replied softly, extending a delicate hand to accept the bottle of water. “Yunho’s really working hard.” Jaejoong turned his face away as Yoochun began to speak on the one subject he wanted to avoid…Yunho.
“Yeah, I guess he is…” He brushed the comment off quickly before twisting off the cap of his water bottle.
“I heard you weren’t feeling well this morning…?” Yoochun stated easily, trying to find some non-obtrusive way to weasel a reason for Jaejoong’s pouty mood out of the older boy.
Jaejoong sent a quick glance towards Yunho’s form as the younger boy twisted in mid air, his arms arching gracefully over his head as he completed the step.
“Hyung…?” Jaejoong flinched slightly and turned to look at Yoochun, he’d once again gotten lost within the beautiful form that was Jung Yunho. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“Are you feeling okay?”
Jaejoong stood from his chair, unable to keep himself in a sitting position any longer, “yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” He shrugged off Yoochun’s question as he moved onto the dance floor, making sure to keep away from Yunho’s enticing form.
It was almost too hard to concentrate with Yunho standing so close. It felt like someone had sucked the air straight from his lungs, making it impossible for him to breath, much less perform his dance steps.
“Oh sorry!” Jae gushed as he staggered and ran into Junsu.
“It’s fine, Hyung.” Junsu stated easily. “If you’re having trouble with your steps, you should talk to Yunho for some help.” The younger member suggested with a soft smile towards his mother-like band mate.
“What should you ask me for?” Yunho questioned as he strolled up, body soaked and heaving as he sought to pull in oxygen to his over-worked lungs.
Jaejoong jumped slightly, the air quickly vacating his lungs as he saw Yunho’s appealing form standing before him. “N-Nothing.” He assured quickly as he started to edge away from Yunho. He just had to make it to the door.
“Jae needs help with his steps.” Junsu supplied with as smile.
“Oh, is that all?” Yunho laughed as he swung his arm over Junsu’s shoulder.
Jaejoong flinched, his brow furrowing slightly. Yunho had always been a touchy person, but he seemed to show a kind of special affection towards Junsu at times.
A vile feeling of pain rushed through Jaejoong’s body as he watched Yunho ruffle Junsu’s hair. Why didn’t Yunho ever touch him like that? Why was he the only one Yunho didn’t smother with affection?
Every time Jaejoong rested his head on Yunho’s shoulder, or linked his arm with him, the younger boy would pull away and usually leave. It hurt Jaejoong more that he was willing to admit.
“Come on, Hyung.” Yunho beckoned as he strolled out onto the center of the dance floor.
Jaejoong glanced up, black hair falling across his face at the sudden movement.
Did he want to be close to Yunho when he knew he could never have the kind of affection he was searching for? He wasn’t sure if the answer was yes or no. Confusion was his constant companion now days. He could hardly speak to Yunho anymore due to his nervousness.
“Oh, okay, I’m coming.” The elder by replied, trying to still the quiver in his voice.
Yunho cocked an eyebrow at Jaejoong, a look of bemusement fluttering across his narrow face.
“Just start the routine and I’ll stop you if I see something that needs work.” Yunho commented, shrugging off his early feeling of confusion at Jaejoong’s odd behavior.
Jaejoong could feel his pulse quicken as Yunho turned concentrated eyes upon him. How was he supposed to dance when all he could think about was the person standing next to him?
“Sounds good.” He finally managed to breath past the lump in his throat.
Taking a small moment to pull in a calming breath, Jaejoong quickly tried to calm his nerves as he moved into the first few steps of the routine. The beginning was easy enough because he’d practiced it so many times. The second part however, he’d only practiced once or twice and he could feel his mind and body beginning to draw a blank as to the next steps.
“The spin is next.” Yunho called, watching as Jaejoong’s movements slowed and became less confident.
“Oh.” Jae whispered as he recalled the step Yunho was referring to. It was a spine where he pushed his left arm above his head as he jumped, spread his feet and moved into the turn with the momentum from his jump.
Of course, knowing what the move required was totally different from being able to pull it off.
Just as he’d thought would happen, he lost his balance halfway through the spin, stumbled and went careening across the dance floor in a confused daze.
The next thing he felt was a strong jolt and the feeling of another body against his own.
Dark eyes slowly unclenched and fluttered open to reveal a broad chest clad in a white T-shirt soaked through with sweat.
Jaejoong didn’t even have to glance up to know that he was in Yunho’s arms. The younger boy’s exotic, musky smell was something that he’d had never smelled on anyone…except for Yunho, which made it twice as important to Jae.
“You okay?”
Jaejoong sucked in a breath as he felt Yunho’s breath whisper over his forehead. It was like he had become hypersensitive to touch with the way his body was tingling at Yunho’s ever move.
“I’m fine.” Jaejoong whispered, too scared to meet Yunho’s gaze. He knew he couldn’t hide the look of unadulterated love lurking within his eyes and pulsing through his body.
“That’s good.” Yunho stated easily as his hands dropped from Jaejoong’s waist.
“Y-Yeah.” Jaejoong stuttered as he took a few steps away from Yunho. He didn’t know if he would be able to stand being in the same room with Yunho much longer.
Every time he looked at the younger boy, he felt a jolt of pain and desire rush through his body.
“I think I’m going to go. Headache.” Jae muttered as he swiftly turned and made a B-line for the door.
“Headache? Are you sure you’re alright?” Yunho asked as he trotted after Jaejoong, brow furrowed in a look of concern.
The elder boy bit his bottom lip, deciding to ignore Yunho and just get out of the room before he started crying, something he did often these days, even if he did hate to cry.
“Jaejoong?” Yunho, slowed, brow furrowing at his hyung’s odd behavior. “What’s wrong?”
“Just ignore it.” He repeated in his head as he moved towards the door, hands clenched at his side as if this simple movement would keep him from losing his determination to leave the room.
“Jaejoong! I’m talking to you!” Yunho growled as he pulled up behind Jaejoong and swung him around so they were standing face-to-face, hardly an inch apart, Yunho’s friendly demeanor had been swept away to be replaced by a look of authority he used when angry at his members.
“Huh?” Jaejoong muttered, eyes growing larger as he focused on Yunho’s pair of full lips. They looked so soft…so kissable.
“What are you doing?” Jaejoong flinched and inched back slightly, he hadn’t even noticed that he’d been slowly leaning into Yunho, intent on feeling the younger boy’s lips on his own.
“S-sorry, just a little d-dizzy.” Jaejoong quickly amended but made no move to step back. He wanted to stay as close to Yunho as he could, even if it meant making the younger boy angry.
“Why didn’t you answer me?” Yunho demanded, brushing off Jaejoong’s comment.
“Huh…?” Jaejoong once again found himself getting lost within Yunho’s subtle eyes and seductive voice. It was hard to concentrate. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to just give Yunho a small kiss? The younger boy always gave the other boys pecks on their cheeks whenever they left the house…why couldn’t he do the same to the band leader? Maybe, just maybe, Yunho wouldn’t mind…maybe he would return the kiss. Was it possible?
“Jaejoong, pay attention to me.” Yunho commanded, his hand coming up to tilt Jaejoong’s face so the older boy was looking into his eyes rather than giving his lips a dazed look.
“Okay.” Jaejoong breathed, not hearing a word Yunho said. He’d decided; he was going to take the chance and plant a kiss on Yunho’s succulent lips.
“Alright…? What?” Yunho muttered as Jaejoong slowly leaned towards him, eyes glowing with something that scared Yunho slightly. “Stop it, Jaejoong.” Yunho commanded softly, his hand coming up and resting on Jaejoong’s shoulder to prevent him from moving any closer.
Jaejoong brushed Yunho’s hand away and rose onto his toes, his lips moving forward and latching onto Yunho’s surprisingly soft lips. It was like running his lips over pure silk that sent electric jolts down his body.
There was a pause of about four seconds before Yunho lifted his hands and gentle pushed Jaejoong away, a sad look filling his eyes. “Don’t do this, Jaejoong. I can’t return your feelings. Not with the position we’re in; not with the kind of life we live.”
Jaejoong took a step back, a huge wave of despair swallowing him as pain sank her venomous claws into his heart. Yunho didn’t want him and, from what it sounded like, he never would.
This fact wasn’t new to Jaejoong, but hearing it come from Yunho himself set a kind of finality about it that left no room for Jaejoong to hope for a future with the person he loved.
Before he knew it, he was angry, angry at himself for loving Yunho and angry at Yunho for rejecting him.
“Not with the kind of life we live? Well that’s a convenient excuse. If you don’t want me just say it to my face! Don’t hide behind lame reasons why you don’t like me!” He burst out, voice lifting into a yell as he shoved Yunho away, tears prickling his eyes as he spoke.
Yunho’s face turned dark at Jaejoong’s outburst, he was obviously unhappy with his band member’s behavior. “That’s enough, Jaejoong.” He warned in a dark voice, refusing to get into a fight with the emotionally wounded boy.
“No it’s not enough! I want to know the real reason why you can’t love me! The reason you reject my love like it’s something disgusting.”
“Jaejoong, if things weren’t the way they were, then mayb-"
“’Things?" Jaejoong cut in, "Would one of those things have to do with me being a guy?”
“Yes.”
“So what if I’m a guy! My love is just the same as any girls. I still feel excited when I see you, I still can’t breathe when you’re close to me…I can’t think straight when you touch me or even speak to me! How is this different from love from any girl?”
“Jaejoong, stop it!” Yunho snapped, bringing his palm against the older boys face in a harsh slap.
Jaejoong froze, his eyes instantly filling with tears. Yunho had hit him…hard…but it was nothing compared to the pain within his heart, the pain of knowing that Yunho didn’t and would never love him.
Without saying anything, he turned to run away, his steps echoing in the cavernous practice room.
“Stay here.” Yunho commanded the other shocked members as he took off after Jaejoong.
“Jae, stop!” Yunho called as he burst through the door and saw Jaejoong waiting for the elevator at the end of the hall.
Dark eyes shifted towards Yunho, tears streaming down his face in a stumbling pattern as Jaejoong shook with the force of his hardly contained sobs. He didn’t think he could speak…he knew he couldn’t speak. Not when the pain was still suffocating him. So he just stared at Yunho for a long moment before turning and dashing towards the stairwell.
“Jaejoong!” Yunho yelled as he took after the smaller boy, angry written across his face.
“Stop, Jaejoong!” He tried again as he jerked open the stairwell door and started descending the steps.
Jaejoong didn’t want to hear Yunho, he didn’t want to be alive if he couldn’t have the thing that gave his entire life meaning.
Too busy trying to wipe away his tears, Jaejoong missed a step at the bottom and tumbled onto the metal landing with a loud smack.
Yunho froze when he saw Jaejoong trip, scared that something might have happened to his band mate. “Ya! Jaejoong!” Yunho growled as he quickly dismounted the steps and jerked Jaejoong off the floor.
“What do you think you’re doing? You could have hurt yourself!” The band leader growled, his voice edging into a yell as he grabbed Jaejoong’s shoulders and gave him a rough shake.
“I don’t care if I get hurt!” Jae fired back, tears still streaming from his eyes, “I don’t care if I die. Without you nothing is important!” He shot at Yunho, jerking free of his hold.
“Stop acting like it’s the end of the world, Jaejoong. You can still move on and live a normal life…without me.” Yunho stated firmly, trying to cut off any of the protests he knew Jaejoong was forming in his head.
“Please, Yunho!” Jaejoong moaned, pressing closer to the younger boy, “give me one night with you and I’ll never mention anything again, I’ll keep everything to myself and never bother you with my affection again. I’ll be happy knowing that you at least gave me a chance before turning me down.” He knew he was begging, knew how pitiful he was for asking something like this of Yunho. But without a taste of him, Jaejoong couldn’t keep going…never knowing what it was like to be held and caressed by those strong arms…it would be too painful.
“Absolutely not.” Yunho stated without hesitation, taking a step away from Jaejoong so as to deter further perusal of the suggestion.
“Please, Yunho!” He tried again, his heart sinking at the cold look in Yunho’s eyes. Didn’t the man feel anything for him? Did he really not feel a twinge of sadness at Jaejoong’s overwhelming pain?
“One night and everything between us will be forgotten.”
“Jaejoong-.” Jae lifted his hand and pressed it against Yunho’s lips, silencing him, “don’t give me an answer yet. Tonight…I’ll wait for you in the guest bedroom…if you want to get this behind us, then come at midnight…I’ll be waiting.” With that, Jaejoong turned and continued his way down the stairs, his heart pounding with pain and the slightest morsel of hope.
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A/N: So I have finally posted Shattered Love here. This is the first Yunjae fanfiction I wrote. I guess I wrote it around the end of 2007...maybe around October. Anyway, I kind of hate this fanfiction as much as I love it. First problem is the writing style. It sucks. Second is the way I wrote Jaejoong. Ugh! It would have been easier just to make him a girl! But I'm willing to forgive myself because I was just getting into Yunjae at the time and I was just writing Jae the way I'd read him in all the other fanfictions. So yeah, it's a pretty short fanfiction, just around 8 chapters...I guess. The updates will be a lot shorter than what I usually write now. Ha, the next chapter contains my first smut scene! ~Woo~