(no subject)
I feel so alone right now. It isn't that Patrick isn't being a wonderful husband, I just feel like there is no one else. My mom keeps telling me I will be so much better when I go back to school. But....how will that fix me feeling alone? I just miss having friends and I feel like I really have no family. I know life has just taken us different directions and it happens. I just... I want someone to cry with when I have just had enough. I want someone to go shopping with. Pat sucks at it and really doesn't like it, though he tries. I want to laugh and just have fun. I don't want to feel alone. I have tried to reconnect with my family down here. But it has all been me initiating everything. The subject gets quickly changed if I suggest they come visit us.
Maybe I am reading too much into it. I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere and sometimes wonder if I ever did. I wonder if I will ever be happy. Like really happy. I want to have people around. I want to have someone besides Pat to do things with. Not like we ever get the chance to do anything, anyway. We have not had a date since....Either early 11 or late 10. I honestly don't remember. I don't even know what can honestly be done about it. I hate talking on the phone all the time. I hate sitting at home all the time. I just... I don't even know.
Maybe I am reading too much into it. I just feel like I don't fit in anywhere and sometimes wonder if I ever did. I wonder if I will ever be happy. Like really happy. I want to have people around. I want to have someone besides Pat to do things with. Not like we ever get the chance to do anything, anyway. We have not had a date since....Either early 11 or late 10. I honestly don't remember. I don't even know what can honestly be done about it. I hate talking on the phone all the time. I hate sitting at home all the time. I just... I don't even know.