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When I was pregnant with Gabe, I always read that as a mom, your heart is walking around outside your body. I always thought that sounded so sweet. I knew it was a way of explaining a mother's love, but I did not get it until my son was born. From the moment he was placed in my arms, I felt this love that could not be matched. I knew I loved him more than anything. Then, after some of the adrenaline wore off, I made a shocking realization. This little being just got a whole lot harder to protect. No longer was he in the safe confines of mommy's tummy. He was out here, in the world. Where so many things could happen! Like many moms, I did everything I could to make sure my baby was safe. But the talk of accidents or the dreaded SIDS kept me on my toes. It is what kept me, and many other mothers, checking on him in the middle of the night just to make sure he was still breathing.
Today, he keeps me on my toes on a whole new level. There are times I am just as worried, if not more so, over what he will hurt not what will hurt him. He is rather resilient...my dishes and the dog, not so much. But a couple of things have stayed the same. At 31 months, I still find myself placing my hand on his chest when he is asleep just to assure myself that his lungs are still doing their job. I also still feel the same strong love I felt the moment I laid eyes on him. I read this poem when I was pregnant and cried a little. The hormones played a big part. I read it as I held my baby in my arms and smiled, having a better understanding. I have read it again with a toddler sleeping soundly next to me and smile, as I think about the toy I missed that I will inevitably step on when I go to the kitchen at 2am for water. I know at this point, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Before I was a Mom...
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom. I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom , I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.
Today, he keeps me on my toes on a whole new level. There are times I am just as worried, if not more so, over what he will hurt not what will hurt him. He is rather resilient...my dishes and the dog, not so much. But a couple of things have stayed the same. At 31 months, I still find myself placing my hand on his chest when he is asleep just to assure myself that his lungs are still doing their job. I also still feel the same strong love I felt the moment I laid eyes on him. I read this poem when I was pregnant and cried a little. The hormones played a big part. I read it as I held my baby in my arms and smiled, having a better understanding. I have read it again with a toddler sleeping soundly next to me and smile, as I think about the toy I missed that I will inevitably step on when I go to the kitchen at 2am for water. I know at this point, I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Before I was a Mom...
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried.I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom. I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom , I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.