(no subject)
I posted this on one of my mommy boards. I thought I should run it by friends, too. H = Husband and DS = dear son
The surgery I had last March has really altered my life in not so good ways. I can't be on my feet long, I have very limited use of my right hand, I have been left deaf in my left ear and temporarily blind in my left eye. I can't drive. It's not even safe for me to walk outside alone. I lose my balance and fall very easily and as week as my body is right now, the doctor said it could cause some very serious injuries. I can't keep up with Gabe by any means. H is either gone from 9am - 12pm, 3pm-12pm or 9am to 8 or 9pm. Usually the first or third. In fact, most always. So the only time I can get out of the house is the one day a week he's off. My friend's all work full-time and don't feel like doing activities after work.
I understand my H works a buttload. I understand he wants downtime. I just wish he would understand I am in the house 6 days a week with a very active toddler going through the horrible refusing to acknowledge no phase. I have tried talking to him. In the last couple of months I have been crying over it. Lately, I have been getting snappy with DS. I am trying so hard to have patience. I hurt so bad by the end of the day. I keep the house clean, with the exception of vacuuming. I do need him to do that and take out the trash. I am physically limited in those. I have dinner ready every night. I make pot roast and stuff. I take care of our son.
We were ready to divorce a week ago but decided to give it another try. I made every effort to try to listen to what he needed from me. He even acknowledged he noticed I have already been making changes and trying. He acknowledged he hasn't.
He is all talk. I am a total wreck. I was an active person. I quit my FT job to be home with DS more while he was little. I also did playgroups or outdoor activities almost every day.
I had a particularly bad day today and called to ask him for help. He got mad at me for nagging him and told me to "Do what you need to do. I don't care right now."
He may have been busy, but did he need to tell me that? Those were his exact words.
I love him but he has changed so much. In the last year alone, my mother and an aunt were diagnosed with breast cancer. I quit my FT job to stay home with DS. I had to put down the dog I had since 13. I was diagnosed with a flipping brain tumor and had all kinds of tests. I was in and out of hospitals. I spent a month in there for the surgery. I have lost most of my independence. I've lost my hearing. Temporarily my sight. DS has been having tremors and we have to redo his EEG on the 13th. I am so seriously thinking about calling my mom and asking her if we (DS and I) can come home. We currently live in Louisiana and home is in Washington (state). My parents were split like that and it was hard. I don't want that for DS. I just don't know what to do. I am so torn. My life is an emotional roller coaster and I just really want off this ride, now!
The surgery I had last March has really altered my life in not so good ways. I can't be on my feet long, I have very limited use of my right hand, I have been left deaf in my left ear and temporarily blind in my left eye. I can't drive. It's not even safe for me to walk outside alone. I lose my balance and fall very easily and as week as my body is right now, the doctor said it could cause some very serious injuries. I can't keep up with Gabe by any means. H is either gone from 9am - 12pm, 3pm-12pm or 9am to 8 or 9pm. Usually the first or third. In fact, most always. So the only time I can get out of the house is the one day a week he's off. My friend's all work full-time and don't feel like doing activities after work.
I understand my H works a buttload. I understand he wants downtime. I just wish he would understand I am in the house 6 days a week with a very active toddler going through the horrible refusing to acknowledge no phase. I have tried talking to him. In the last couple of months I have been crying over it. Lately, I have been getting snappy with DS. I am trying so hard to have patience. I hurt so bad by the end of the day. I keep the house clean, with the exception of vacuuming. I do need him to do that and take out the trash. I am physically limited in those. I have dinner ready every night. I make pot roast and stuff. I take care of our son.
We were ready to divorce a week ago but decided to give it another try. I made every effort to try to listen to what he needed from me. He even acknowledged he noticed I have already been making changes and trying. He acknowledged he hasn't.
He is all talk. I am a total wreck. I was an active person. I quit my FT job to be home with DS more while he was little. I also did playgroups or outdoor activities almost every day.
I had a particularly bad day today and called to ask him for help. He got mad at me for nagging him and told me to "Do what you need to do. I don't care right now."
He may have been busy, but did he need to tell me that? Those were his exact words.
I love him but he has changed so much. In the last year alone, my mother and an aunt were diagnosed with breast cancer. I quit my FT job to stay home with DS. I had to put down the dog I had since 13. I was diagnosed with a flipping brain tumor and had all kinds of tests. I was in and out of hospitals. I spent a month in there for the surgery. I have lost most of my independence. I've lost my hearing. Temporarily my sight. DS has been having tremors and we have to redo his EEG on the 13th. I am so seriously thinking about calling my mom and asking her if we (DS and I) can come home. We currently live in Louisiana and home is in Washington (state). My parents were split like that and it was hard. I don't want that for DS. I just don't know what to do. I am so torn. My life is an emotional roller coaster and I just really want off this ride, now!