(no subject)
i miss holding her hand already. and the smell of her soft cashmere sweaters. i miss walking with her, holding her hand, telling her i love her. i wish i could tell her that one more time. i love you, mama. i hope you are peaceful now. please know that i love you, that you are so loved. you have wonderful children and grandchildren, and we will remember and honor you everyday. i will never forget you, and how you let me lie on your lap and sleep on long car rides. and how you bought me icees at fedco and knit me sweaters ( i can only imagine how long each took to make, every stitch is so meticulous and clean and perfect; these vests smell of you and your love). i remember how we had picnics in your backyard, and how you bought that blue swingset for your grandchildren to play on. how you spread bedsheets on the floor in the summer so we would nap, and fed me jook and visited me at school. i will never forget how at christmas time, you made the sticky rice for everyone, and one pot for me was always cooking in the back, without shrimp-- you were always so thoughtful. i was suprised, even back then, at how unconditionally you loved me. i promise i will try my best to make you proud, to live life so fully and freely. i am grieving and sad, but at the same time, i promise to celebrate your life and find happiness because i know that is what you would want. i'm sorry that there was always a language barrier between us, but i want you to understand that i love you, i always have, i always will. forever.