Charlie don't surf
Almost three weeks in finds me overworked and over-trained.
My first 80 hour pay period in a long time really took it out of me. The distractions and easy come and go of NJ is over. I'm grateful for that in a lot of ways but my body and mind are not conditioned or prepared. My mind is on work and training. Training for what? Hockey season maybe? Getting in great shape maybe? Because there's nothing better to do? Probably.
My day consists of writing, faxing, going back and forth, meetings, briefings and then a slaughter at the gym or in the yard. My lifting numbers are on target. Only problem is I haven't been eating to meet the demand. Meals are few and far between. My brain and body are suffering.
Socially, I have a group of friends that do normal things. Bars, movies, things like that. There are no nights in the kitchen with tea and toast. Every single night there is the invite to this bar or that bar, where I drink water and look the saint.
There's the talk of who likes who, who's with who, who's rated what. I was delighted to find that I've been given an 8.5 out of 10. I'm not "putting out the vibe" though.
That's alright. I seem to be the only one that wants to be alone and everyone thinks that such a shame.
I remember a few years ago, feeling relieved when I wasn't in such a rat race for this or that. This is normal life without scandal or upheaval. But it's also filled with the normalcy that I loathed. A normalcy that I don't understand.
I understand clandestine love affairs, kidnappings, tacos when I should be working, mystery and wonder; not the normal ins and outs of what it's like to be a twenty something. It's made me lonesome in a miserable and ordinary way.
That and I'm still so fucking angry for everything that happened.
My first 80 hour pay period in a long time really took it out of me. The distractions and easy come and go of NJ is over. I'm grateful for that in a lot of ways but my body and mind are not conditioned or prepared. My mind is on work and training. Training for what? Hockey season maybe? Getting in great shape maybe? Because there's nothing better to do? Probably.
My day consists of writing, faxing, going back and forth, meetings, briefings and then a slaughter at the gym or in the yard. My lifting numbers are on target. Only problem is I haven't been eating to meet the demand. Meals are few and far between. My brain and body are suffering.
Socially, I have a group of friends that do normal things. Bars, movies, things like that. There are no nights in the kitchen with tea and toast. Every single night there is the invite to this bar or that bar, where I drink water and look the saint.
There's the talk of who likes who, who's with who, who's rated what. I was delighted to find that I've been given an 8.5 out of 10. I'm not "putting out the vibe" though.
That's alright. I seem to be the only one that wants to be alone and everyone thinks that such a shame.
I remember a few years ago, feeling relieved when I wasn't in such a rat race for this or that. This is normal life without scandal or upheaval. But it's also filled with the normalcy that I loathed. A normalcy that I don't understand.
I understand clandestine love affairs, kidnappings, tacos when I should be working, mystery and wonder; not the normal ins and outs of what it's like to be a twenty something. It's made me lonesome in a miserable and ordinary way.
That and I'm still so fucking angry for everything that happened.