(no subject)
I'm very tired at the moment. I wasn't tired up until maybe around 8, then it was hard staying awake. I don't really know why I'm so tired. I had a fairly good sleep last night. I think it's just things are catching up with me. That's probably it.
I went and visted my grandma in the hospital again tonight. It's really weird. I was okay the first time I saw her, even though it was quite the shock (she's lost A LOT of weight, you wouldn't be able to recognize her). Tonight for some reason it really bothered me. Probably because she wasn't doing the greatest. Her voice is very raspy now, but tonight it was really raspy. I don't know... that and she just seemed out of it.. probably the medication she's taking. There were just points where I had to control my feelings, because I didn't want to cry in front of her. I hate crying period. I don't even like crying when it's just me in the room. I don't know why. I just feel bad for her. She's so small, and sick, and no one can do anything to help her. That, and it kind of hit me when she was talking about the women in the bed next to her. Apparently she's 28 years old and has been having seizures since she was 17, so you can imagine the shape she's in. My grandma was saying how bad she felt because she couldn't do anything for her, and that it isn't fair. She doesn't feel sorry for herself, she feels sorry for the woman next to her. *Shrug... just hit me. There's so many things that run through my head when I think about this. I think life is very unfair, how I don't understand why people have to get sick etc, then I think the stuff I'm going through with school and stuff is very trivial, and that I should appreciate things more than what I do, because you never know what can happen. I don't know, I'm just very mixed up on how i feel about things right now. Urg.
I was thinking about getting a ferret. Casey has one and it's adorable. I love those things! I'm having difficulties convincing my parents though. I think my mom doesn't have TOO much convincing, but my dad as soon as he heard I wanted one was like "3 words, not a chance". He can be very irratating at times, very annoying. Soooo..... we shall see. I'm just going to work on my mom, and with my dad, meh. Meaning, oh well...... he'll get over it. He'll have a shit fit at first, but he'll give up after a while because no one cares. Lol, that sounded bad, but you know what I mean. I just would really like one. I want something to play with, something to take care of, some company, stuff like that. *Crossing my fingers.
I went and visted my grandma in the hospital again tonight. It's really weird. I was okay the first time I saw her, even though it was quite the shock (she's lost A LOT of weight, you wouldn't be able to recognize her). Tonight for some reason it really bothered me. Probably because she wasn't doing the greatest. Her voice is very raspy now, but tonight it was really raspy. I don't know... that and she just seemed out of it.. probably the medication she's taking. There were just points where I had to control my feelings, because I didn't want to cry in front of her. I hate crying period. I don't even like crying when it's just me in the room. I don't know why. I just feel bad for her. She's so small, and sick, and no one can do anything to help her. That, and it kind of hit me when she was talking about the women in the bed next to her. Apparently she's 28 years old and has been having seizures since she was 17, so you can imagine the shape she's in. My grandma was saying how bad she felt because she couldn't do anything for her, and that it isn't fair. She doesn't feel sorry for herself, she feels sorry for the woman next to her. *Shrug... just hit me. There's so many things that run through my head when I think about this. I think life is very unfair, how I don't understand why people have to get sick etc, then I think the stuff I'm going through with school and stuff is very trivial, and that I should appreciate things more than what I do, because you never know what can happen. I don't know, I'm just very mixed up on how i feel about things right now. Urg.
I was thinking about getting a ferret. Casey has one and it's adorable. I love those things! I'm having difficulties convincing my parents though. I think my mom doesn't have TOO much convincing, but my dad as soon as he heard I wanted one was like "3 words, not a chance". He can be very irratating at times, very annoying. Soooo..... we shall see. I'm just going to work on my mom, and with my dad, meh. Meaning, oh well...... he'll get over it. He'll have a shit fit at first, but he'll give up after a while because no one cares. Lol, that sounded bad, but you know what I mean. I just would really like one. I want something to play with, something to take care of, some company, stuff like that. *Crossing my fingers.