(no subject)
This is probably my last semester at MCC, indefinitely.
We might move down to Neptune. We found a decent apartment for a grand a month, which is what we're shooting for. We may have to stay in MCC, like South River or OB -- which is cool, but I was aiming to get closer down to Vonage. All I'm saying is, we're looking.
Which is so scary. I don't want to do it, almost, because I feel secure here. I feel secure in complete disarray. I fear that I will fuck up like I did this semester, and then have no excuse for it. To only realize I am a failure. I'm scared of not having enough money. Chris' job isn't going anywhere any time soon; he is badass as a tech and gets to do all these special jobs. He was even given an (unpaid) opportunity to code some stuff even though he hasn't yet earned his BS in computer science. Nothing to worry about.
I don't know. All I know is, it's time to go. I'm so depressed that I barely picked at my food last night -- considering I am a compulsive over-eater, this is really weird. I literally pushed my plate towards Chris' and Colin's side of the table. I just didn't want it.
And way to be a whiner (considering I am not paying for it!), but, rofl, I don't really like the dsi. I wish I had my ice blue ds lite back -- I had so many memories attached to that thing. (Have you noticed I don't like giving up my crap? Hoarding tendencies, ahoy!) PS: Does this look like he dropped it from a table of two feet in height? Can you tell I'm being a little obsessive? I'm still ANGRY. I feel violated. I'm bothered. He still was going off on me well into the night. Everyone had been over it for a while, but he couldn't keep the past in the past. It was always "That's for earlier." Um, what? You broke my shit, THAT'S for earlier. Stupid git.
Moral of the story: I am turning 23 in a few months. Twenty. Three. That's not old, but it's far too old to be putting up with this. Things will be tight living outside of here, which is fine. I will get my finances in order and apply for jewelry school -- might get a grant, might need a loan. The 720 hour course is 7600-ish with tools, the 360 hour course is 4000. I'm not sure what to take; I don't really see the point in going to the shorter course because you learn less. And 8 grand is not a horrible loan to take, if I must.
Some cool things that have happened: psych is over, I talked to my mom about how hard we looked for her when she went missing and she seemed so happy to know dad did everything he did. She even admitted she was really out of it. It might just be the peak in the circle of better/worse for my mom, but that was so wonderful to hear. I love my family, I really do. Sometimes I just wish they'd love me back.
We might move down to Neptune. We found a decent apartment for a grand a month, which is what we're shooting for. We may have to stay in MCC, like South River or OB -- which is cool, but I was aiming to get closer down to Vonage. All I'm saying is, we're looking.
Which is so scary. I don't want to do it, almost, because I feel secure here. I feel secure in complete disarray. I fear that I will fuck up like I did this semester, and then have no excuse for it. To only realize I am a failure. I'm scared of not having enough money. Chris' job isn't going anywhere any time soon; he is badass as a tech and gets to do all these special jobs. He was even given an (unpaid) opportunity to code some stuff even though he hasn't yet earned his BS in computer science. Nothing to worry about.
I don't know. All I know is, it's time to go. I'm so depressed that I barely picked at my food last night -- considering I am a compulsive over-eater, this is really weird. I literally pushed my plate towards Chris' and Colin's side of the table. I just didn't want it.
And way to be a whiner (considering I am not paying for it!), but, rofl, I don't really like the dsi. I wish I had my ice blue ds lite back -- I had so many memories attached to that thing. (Have you noticed I don't like giving up my crap? Hoarding tendencies, ahoy!) PS: Does this look like he dropped it from a table of two feet in height? Can you tell I'm being a little obsessive? I'm still ANGRY. I feel violated. I'm bothered. He still was going off on me well into the night. Everyone had been over it for a while, but he couldn't keep the past in the past. It was always "That's for earlier." Um, what? You broke my shit, THAT'S for earlier. Stupid git.
Moral of the story: I am turning 23 in a few months. Twenty. Three. That's not old, but it's far too old to be putting up with this. Things will be tight living outside of here, which is fine. I will get my finances in order and apply for jewelry school -- might get a grant, might need a loan. The 720 hour course is 7600-ish with tools, the 360 hour course is 4000. I'm not sure what to take; I don't really see the point in going to the shorter course because you learn less. And 8 grand is not a horrible loan to take, if I must.
Some cool things that have happened: psych is over, I talked to my mom about how hard we looked for her when she went missing and she seemed so happy to know dad did everything he did. She even admitted she was really out of it. It might just be the peak in the circle of better/worse for my mom, but that was so wonderful to hear. I love my family, I really do. Sometimes I just wish they'd love me back.