soft and sweet.
rating: r
warnings: character death (it's not so bad okay;; you'll see!)
I already owed atriums HoMin fic from a while ago, so when better to finish it and give to her on her birthday?
Happy Birthday, lovely. I hope it's alright because I'm not much of a writer. ;;
He thinks he's awake sometimes, but he's not. Wishes he was.
Everything around him is in a dream. Caged within his mind like a fortress. A makeshift home when his life is nothing but chaos
Yunho finds a wolf there, in his dream. He feels like the face of the man is familiar, but every time he wakes up he can't remember what he looks like. It's odd to him because when he's awake he can't remember that face, and when he's dreaming he can't remember either. Familiarity whispers against his ear and he knows he's not going insane.
He knows that face.
That wolf. That man.
The only thing he's lucky enough to keep with him upon opening his eyes is this intense feeling of love, of want and need, and there's this void right in the middle of his chest.
The heart is just an organ, the heart doesn't love. Yunho knows this well, so when he loves he puts his everything into it. From the tips of his toes to the last strand of hair on his head and everything in between, including that beating organ protected behind his rib cage. His whole soul.
Yunho becomes distant and his friends notice it, too. That twinkle is missing from his eyes, but it's reality that they don't mention anything. Who would? They think it's just his schedules, think it's just restlessness. They have no idea what haunts him.
This cycle is repeated like some sort of scratched and broken record, until he finds himself pinned up against the wall just outside his residence. Breath is hitched in Yunho's throat and it's trying to claw it's way up and out but he just can't. He can't breathe because it's all too much to take in. His eyes are wide open and plush lips are against his own, trying to get him to breathe again. The other is taller, toned an strong His scent is musky, with a hint of spice And Yunho didn't need his eyes to know who it was.
Changmin.
It's in that moment that it all connected with an invisible string, lighting up the depths of his mind with the realization. And with that new found realization, his fingers scrambled to clutch and pull the other closer into the depths of himself; deep into his core. But just as soon as he'd sparked the memories, remembered that face in his dream; he was gone. Changmin was gone and Yunho hadn't a clue where he'd gone so fast. It's like he took a step back and the shadows swallowed him whole.
Yunho didn't dream that night.
Or the night after that.
Or at least that's what he had thought. It was no dream, no escape from the harsh grasp of life, unless Changmin was there.
He became even more distant than before, but this time it went unnoticed. And it had turned out tha Changmin didn't exist. He wasn't real person.
Every smile the duo had shared was a lie, just a figment of his imagination. Along with every laugh, every word spoken. Lies, lies, lies.
It scared Yunho. It scared Yunho so much to think that this one person, the person he needed and craved for so much was simply gone. That he didn't exist. He was not real and not one person had spoken of his insanity. Not to him at leas But it brought him down to earth, to make him notice that he had often gotten weird looks whenever he'd be talking to Changmin, or rather, himself. His eyes had been opened, but he did not see. Not until now.
And when he did finally decide to look, he was greeted by white walls, accompanied by various caged windows and a television. Of course there were others, but that didn't matter to him. It never did. Everything was so jumbled and he just wanted to be with Changmin again. Yunho wanted to escape the looks, the whispers that he'd long gotten past before and just not noticed. So much so that he let his legs lead him toward his room, let his hands reach under his mattress where he kept a small bottle and something more spiritual.
He hung the dream catcher on his headboard, just above his pillow and proceeded to down every single pill he had saved. A swig of water aided in the downward push and he let out a sickening refreshed 'ahhh' as he laid back, reclining in his bed with the covers pulled up to his shoulders. He snuggled down comfortably and it wasn't much longer until he'd be in the arms of his wolf much longer. But this time, it would be forever. And Yunho had always like the sound of forever.
They say there's an ongoing battle inside of us all, between two wolves.
One wolf carries anger, jealousy, greed, lies, ego, inferiority, and resentment.
While the second wolf carries joy, love, hope, peace, humility, empathy, kindness, and truth.
But which is the wolf that wins, you ask?
The one you feed.
warnings: character death (it's not so bad okay;; you'll see!)
I already owed atriums HoMin fic from a while ago, so when better to finish it and give to her on her birthday?
Happy Birthday, lovely. I hope it's alright because I'm not much of a writer. ;;
He thinks he's awake sometimes, but he's not. Wishes he was.
Everything around him is in a dream. Caged within his mind like a fortress. A makeshift home when his life is nothing but chaos
Yunho finds a wolf there, in his dream. He feels like the face of the man is familiar, but every time he wakes up he can't remember what he looks like. It's odd to him because when he's awake he can't remember that face, and when he's dreaming he can't remember either. Familiarity whispers against his ear and he knows he's not going insane.
He knows that face.
That wolf. That man.
The only thing he's lucky enough to keep with him upon opening his eyes is this intense feeling of love, of want and need, and there's this void right in the middle of his chest.
The heart is just an organ, the heart doesn't love. Yunho knows this well, so when he loves he puts his everything into it. From the tips of his toes to the last strand of hair on his head and everything in between, including that beating organ protected behind his rib cage. His whole soul.
Yunho becomes distant and his friends notice it, too. That twinkle is missing from his eyes, but it's reality that they don't mention anything. Who would? They think it's just his schedules, think it's just restlessness. They have no idea what haunts him.
This cycle is repeated like some sort of scratched and broken record, until he finds himself pinned up against the wall just outside his residence. Breath is hitched in Yunho's throat and it's trying to claw it's way up and out but he just can't. He can't breathe because it's all too much to take in. His eyes are wide open and plush lips are against his own, trying to get him to breathe again. The other is taller, toned an strong His scent is musky, with a hint of spice And Yunho didn't need his eyes to know who it was.
Changmin.
It's in that moment that it all connected with an invisible string, lighting up the depths of his mind with the realization. And with that new found realization, his fingers scrambled to clutch and pull the other closer into the depths of himself; deep into his core. But just as soon as he'd sparked the memories, remembered that face in his dream; he was gone. Changmin was gone and Yunho hadn't a clue where he'd gone so fast. It's like he took a step back and the shadows swallowed him whole.
Yunho didn't dream that night.
Or the night after that.
Or at least that's what he had thought. It was no dream, no escape from the harsh grasp of life, unless Changmin was there.
He became even more distant than before, but this time it went unnoticed. And it had turned out tha Changmin didn't exist. He wasn't real person.
Every smile the duo had shared was a lie, just a figment of his imagination. Along with every laugh, every word spoken. Lies, lies, lies.
It scared Yunho. It scared Yunho so much to think that this one person, the person he needed and craved for so much was simply gone. That he didn't exist. He was not real and not one person had spoken of his insanity. Not to him at leas But it brought him down to earth, to make him notice that he had often gotten weird looks whenever he'd be talking to Changmin, or rather, himself. His eyes had been opened, but he did not see. Not until now.
And when he did finally decide to look, he was greeted by white walls, accompanied by various caged windows and a television. Of course there were others, but that didn't matter to him. It never did. Everything was so jumbled and he just wanted to be with Changmin again. Yunho wanted to escape the looks, the whispers that he'd long gotten past before and just not noticed. So much so that he let his legs lead him toward his room, let his hands reach under his mattress where he kept a small bottle and something more spiritual.
He hung the dream catcher on his headboard, just above his pillow and proceeded to down every single pill he had saved. A swig of water aided in the downward push and he let out a sickening refreshed 'ahhh' as he laid back, reclining in his bed with the covers pulled up to his shoulders. He snuggled down comfortably and it wasn't much longer until he'd be in the arms of his wolf much longer. But this time, it would be forever. And Yunho had always like the sound of forever.
They say there's an ongoing battle inside of us all, between two wolves.
One wolf carries anger, jealousy, greed, lies, ego, inferiority, and resentment.
While the second wolf carries joy, love, hope, peace, humility, empathy, kindness, and truth.
But which is the wolf that wins, you ask?
The one you feed.