i am afraid to believe in god
i think i'd believe in god, if i let myself, if it was cool. love and devotion to a higher being as protective measures against love and devotion to the stupid small things that consume me now, like other people and the selves i think i've lost. maybe god exists because when i talk in empty rooms, he listens? and i am talking talking talking and he is listening. how do i fit god into my life? maybe i will believe in him secretly.
i was watching the step team and i could see how much they love god every time they move, and it touches me every time, that clear-eyed full-hearted feeling of being in control and in love. i feel like that sometimes when i do music. i used to feel it when i wrote, but more and more i feel i've lost (temporarily misplaced?) that which gives me control and love.
university has definitely opened up the possibilities of the role religion can play in a person's life, but i still feel ashamed for even wanting to believe in god.
i was watching the step team and i could see how much they love god every time they move, and it touches me every time, that clear-eyed full-hearted feeling of being in control and in love. i feel like that sometimes when i do music. i used to feel it when i wrote, but more and more i feel i've lost (temporarily misplaced?) that which gives me control and love.
university has definitely opened up the possibilities of the role religion can play in a person's life, but i still feel ashamed for even wanting to believe in god.