lets try to keep as much emotion out of this as possible
my girlfriend broke up with me, but im not sad.
i met this girl online, she goes to pitt. we had a lot in common and decided to meet up one day, then we got coffee together the next day, and then coffee/tea a day later. i held her hand and told her i liked her. she held my hand and said she felt the same way.
i asked her out on a real date. i spent several days planning it out. she said she would like dinner and a movie, i was going to go for something more unique and romantic but thats what she wanted to do. i found out what movies she liked, what her favorite food was...spent 3 solid days finding the perfect restaurant, the perfect movie (something sweet and romantic but not too intense, since it was our first real date....i chose say anything which probably wasnt the best choice, given the story but she knew i wasnt trying to imply anything). i went out and spent a lot of money so that i had some nice clothes...from an actual store, not a thrift store. i never buy new clothing from chain stores, but this time i did. i dont know why.
the date went very well. things went a bit farther than i expected but she was in control the whole time so i wasnt making her do anything. at the end of the night i asked her where she wants to go from here and she asked me where i wanted things to go. like an idiot, i told her i wanted a relationship with her. she said she felt the same way. we cuddled for a long time and then i went home because the last bus would be coming within the next 15 minutes.
i went to sleep very happy, went to class tired but still happy, she invited me to come over tomorrow night. we would be cooking dinner together. at around 5:30 i get an email from her saying she wants to break up. she apparently isnt looking for a relationship, something about not being able to date someone who isnt jewish. she said we were moving too fast, even though she had always been in control and i never did anything without first making sure she was comfortable with it. she said something about this being experimental...i dont know what that meant. an experiment to see if she could tolerate dating a non-jew i guess. since i was in a rush i had left the movie at her house and offered to meet her somewhere to pick it up. she said she would mail it to me because she didnt want to see me...that was probably the worst part. honestly i dont understand, but i dont harbor any resentment toward her.
i wasnt talking about it to people. i would shrug it off like it didnt bother me because honestly, i didnt think it did. it had been my assumption for a while that she just didnt know what she wanted or something. that it was mainly bad luck on my part and that she either wasnt ready for a relationship or her faith prevented her from being with a godless heathen such as myself and although she liked me and tried to get over it, it was just too difficult for her and she had to end it.
but then my friend kind of forced me to talk about it...not forced i could have just stopped talking about it but for some reason i didnt and the more i talked about it the more my feelings about it started to change. the more i talked about it the more i realized that maybe it wasnt just the religion thing or anything like that. she told me, when she broke up with me, that when she seemed happy to be with me, earlier today, it was all an act and that she just didnt want to hurt me. talking to my friend, i started to realize that just maybe she never actually liked me at all. maybe she was just too nice and by the time she realized i liked her there was no way out without hurting my feelings.
i dont know. i dont know what exactly happened, or why but in the end it really doesnt matter. either way its no big deal because, as i said, im not sad. im not happy or upset, im completely neutral...and thats a good place to be. with a big presentation and the g20 coming up, emotions would only get in the way. just cold logic is the most beneficial....and sleep, i really need sleep right now
ps-the was supposed to mere be an emotionless summary of this relationship (if it could have even been called that). a fair amount of emotion slipped in though. i apologize if this entry was too emo, sometimes my filter doesnt work when im tired
i met this girl online, she goes to pitt. we had a lot in common and decided to meet up one day, then we got coffee together the next day, and then coffee/tea a day later. i held her hand and told her i liked her. she held my hand and said she felt the same way.
i asked her out on a real date. i spent several days planning it out. she said she would like dinner and a movie, i was going to go for something more unique and romantic but thats what she wanted to do. i found out what movies she liked, what her favorite food was...spent 3 solid days finding the perfect restaurant, the perfect movie (something sweet and romantic but not too intense, since it was our first real date....i chose say anything which probably wasnt the best choice, given the story but she knew i wasnt trying to imply anything). i went out and spent a lot of money so that i had some nice clothes...from an actual store, not a thrift store. i never buy new clothing from chain stores, but this time i did. i dont know why.
the date went very well. things went a bit farther than i expected but she was in control the whole time so i wasnt making her do anything. at the end of the night i asked her where she wants to go from here and she asked me where i wanted things to go. like an idiot, i told her i wanted a relationship with her. she said she felt the same way. we cuddled for a long time and then i went home because the last bus would be coming within the next 15 minutes.
i went to sleep very happy, went to class tired but still happy, she invited me to come over tomorrow night. we would be cooking dinner together. at around 5:30 i get an email from her saying she wants to break up. she apparently isnt looking for a relationship, something about not being able to date someone who isnt jewish. she said we were moving too fast, even though she had always been in control and i never did anything without first making sure she was comfortable with it. she said something about this being experimental...i dont know what that meant. an experiment to see if she could tolerate dating a non-jew i guess. since i was in a rush i had left the movie at her house and offered to meet her somewhere to pick it up. she said she would mail it to me because she didnt want to see me...that was probably the worst part. honestly i dont understand, but i dont harbor any resentment toward her.
i wasnt talking about it to people. i would shrug it off like it didnt bother me because honestly, i didnt think it did. it had been my assumption for a while that she just didnt know what she wanted or something. that it was mainly bad luck on my part and that she either wasnt ready for a relationship or her faith prevented her from being with a godless heathen such as myself and although she liked me and tried to get over it, it was just too difficult for her and she had to end it.
but then my friend kind of forced me to talk about it...not forced i could have just stopped talking about it but for some reason i didnt and the more i talked about it the more my feelings about it started to change. the more i talked about it the more i realized that maybe it wasnt just the religion thing or anything like that. she told me, when she broke up with me, that when she seemed happy to be with me, earlier today, it was all an act and that she just didnt want to hurt me. talking to my friend, i started to realize that just maybe she never actually liked me at all. maybe she was just too nice and by the time she realized i liked her there was no way out without hurting my feelings.
i dont know. i dont know what exactly happened, or why but in the end it really doesnt matter. either way its no big deal because, as i said, im not sad. im not happy or upset, im completely neutral...and thats a good place to be. with a big presentation and the g20 coming up, emotions would only get in the way. just cold logic is the most beneficial....and sleep, i really need sleep right now
ps-the was supposed to mere be an emotionless summary of this relationship (if it could have even been called that). a fair amount of emotion slipped in though. i apologize if this entry was too emo, sometimes my filter doesnt work when im tired