Christmas sucks.
Well this past week has depressed me more than I have ever been depressed in my life.
My mothers doctors pulled us in the lounge to let us know mum only has about three more weeks to live. I was totally upset. I look at my mother in the hospital bed and I see her as I know her. Healthy funny and loving. She has tubes coming in and out of everyplace but you wouldn't know she was dying which pisses me off royally because she is mentally healthy. The doctors told her that they no longer can sustain her bowels function normally because the tube can no longer reach because of the tumours. So, my sister who is the er nurse will be coming into my mothers home to look after her. She is taking time off of work. She is a trooper. I did it for my mother in law when she passed on and its not a pretty site. This is going to be the worst time in my life.
This morning my sister called me to let me know the family pet died. Mookie was in our family for eleven years. She said it was horrible. She found him last night wheezing and coughing and leaning against the hall way wall then blood came out of his mouth and he collapsed in her arms. All she could do is cry. They buried him out in the yard today but when they told me this morning I called my vet to arrange for him to get cremated and placed in the pet cemetary where I have all my other pets. I take deaths of animals harder then humans I think. Humans can be devious. Animals give give and never expect anything in return. They comfort you no matter what and they have time for you no matter what. I sat in my bed this morning and cried. My mum doesn't know her cherished pet passed. When she comes home she will notice the silence cause Mookie would run and bark when she came in. I am wondering if he passed because mum hasn't been home and he figured his master wasn't coming back.
So Christmas is suppose to be this cheery time of year. Where people bussle their gifts into their cars to go for dinner and sit around a tree and Merry ho ho everyone. This year I will be sitting around a bed with my mother bussled in a warming blanket because she gets cold chills while she sucks on ice chips cause her throat is full of sores while tubes pump out ugly fluids from her cancered riddled body. Then I can watch my mother cry as the kids open her gifts and with a twinkle in their eyes say I love you Grammy. The said part is my niece now says I love you all the way to heaven....now I will go cry my eyes out...
My mothers doctors pulled us in the lounge to let us know mum only has about three more weeks to live. I was totally upset. I look at my mother in the hospital bed and I see her as I know her. Healthy funny and loving. She has tubes coming in and out of everyplace but you wouldn't know she was dying which pisses me off royally because she is mentally healthy. The doctors told her that they no longer can sustain her bowels function normally because the tube can no longer reach because of the tumours. So, my sister who is the er nurse will be coming into my mothers home to look after her. She is taking time off of work. She is a trooper. I did it for my mother in law when she passed on and its not a pretty site. This is going to be the worst time in my life.
This morning my sister called me to let me know the family pet died. Mookie was in our family for eleven years. She said it was horrible. She found him last night wheezing and coughing and leaning against the hall way wall then blood came out of his mouth and he collapsed in her arms. All she could do is cry. They buried him out in the yard today but when they told me this morning I called my vet to arrange for him to get cremated and placed in the pet cemetary where I have all my other pets. I take deaths of animals harder then humans I think. Humans can be devious. Animals give give and never expect anything in return. They comfort you no matter what and they have time for you no matter what. I sat in my bed this morning and cried. My mum doesn't know her cherished pet passed. When she comes home she will notice the silence cause Mookie would run and bark when she came in. I am wondering if he passed because mum hasn't been home and he figured his master wasn't coming back.
So Christmas is suppose to be this cheery time of year. Where people bussle their gifts into their cars to go for dinner and sit around a tree and Merry ho ho everyone. This year I will be sitting around a bed with my mother bussled in a warming blanket because she gets cold chills while she sucks on ice chips cause her throat is full of sores while tubes pump out ugly fluids from her cancered riddled body. Then I can watch my mother cry as the kids open her gifts and with a twinkle in their eyes say I love you Grammy. The said part is my niece now says I love you all the way to heaven....now I will go cry my eyes out...