5 years later...
i used to post here in 2008/2009, back when i had a certain amount of control (despite my own beliefs), and the username "skinny" could actually be applied to me.
back in the day, i used this journal to document my progress as i plummeted from 141 to 124 lbs at a height of 5'8. a lot of my old posts have been deleted, in past efforts to cover my tracks, and expunge entries i later found to be shameful, embarrassing, or simply inadequate.
i was still in school then - it was easier to go hours running on empty, and i was a lot more active (getting up early, doing sport 5 times a week, walking to and fro every day). today, i'm older, wiser, but larger. almost 30 lbs larger, to be precise. a few weeks ago i hit my highest weight of 159 lbs, which, to be honest, was terrifying, and shocked me into another spiral of diet frenzy and weight-obsession. a few things have changed since my last "confession". i am now 19, a fact that both scares and enthralls me, for it means i am finally growing up. i gained an inch (a whole inch!) and now stand at 5'9, which has its perks. i finished school, and got accepted into my university of my choice, where i start my degree this autumn. my parents divorced, and my dad had a baby. i lost friends, i made friends, i discovered alcohol and cigarettes and bingeing and purging, and i got to a point that was completely out of control. then in feb 2012, i wound up in the hospital after a 6 month stint with bulimia. my immune system crashed and burned, and it took months to repair my system. over my "sick period", i whittled down to a trim 135 lbs once again, but upon my health returning, my weight slowly crept back up the high 140s. since christmas, i've been stuck in the 150s, and i hate it. which is why i've decided to return to and reopen this journal. i believe it helped me once, so i'm hoping it can help me again. also, with the rise in prominence of websites such as tumblr and blogger, i believe this old thing will be less easy to stumble across, keeping my secrets hidden safe and sound away from the prying/nosy eyes of loved ones.
my goal is to slim down to 9 stone (126 lbs), or a uk size 10. for the past week i haven't been keeping track of my calories, but i've been pretty healthy. i am drinking a few green smoothies a week for an added boost. i cheat with my vegetables - the "superfood" powder i add to my smoothie contains all the nutrients of over 50 leafy greens, along with spirulina, green tea extract, ginger root extract to name a few. i normally have a bagel, a banana, and a yoghurt for lunch, a coffee in the afternoon, and either lentils, eggs or soup for dinner. my problem is eating at night... and when it rains, it pours.
today, typically, started off with good intentions, but snacking was my downfall. i ended up having about 3 slices of this delicious banana walnut bread my mum and i baked together yesterday, and drinking wine. it was a good idea at the time, but in hindsight, i could have just had 1 slice, and done without the wine altogether. so the new plan, in light of today, looks like this:
breakfast- either a green smoothie OR a slice of toast, piece of fruit and an egg (200cals max)
lunch-bagel/saltine crackers, yoghurt, diet coke (250 cals)
afternoon snack- coffee and a piece of fruit (150-200 cals)
dinner- lentils with veggies or hoummous (300 cals)
food shouldn't come to more than 950 leaving room for spares (gum, drinks etc.). i also plan to bike ride 20 minutes a day, go to the gym where possible, and do 250 crunches a night. yesterday my weight was 156.. won't be weighing again until wednesday at least.
back in the day, i used this journal to document my progress as i plummeted from 141 to 124 lbs at a height of 5'8. a lot of my old posts have been deleted, in past efforts to cover my tracks, and expunge entries i later found to be shameful, embarrassing, or simply inadequate.
i was still in school then - it was easier to go hours running on empty, and i was a lot more active (getting up early, doing sport 5 times a week, walking to and fro every day). today, i'm older, wiser, but larger. almost 30 lbs larger, to be precise. a few weeks ago i hit my highest weight of 159 lbs, which, to be honest, was terrifying, and shocked me into another spiral of diet frenzy and weight-obsession. a few things have changed since my last "confession". i am now 19, a fact that both scares and enthralls me, for it means i am finally growing up. i gained an inch (a whole inch!) and now stand at 5'9, which has its perks. i finished school, and got accepted into my university of my choice, where i start my degree this autumn. my parents divorced, and my dad had a baby. i lost friends, i made friends, i discovered alcohol and cigarettes and bingeing and purging, and i got to a point that was completely out of control. then in feb 2012, i wound up in the hospital after a 6 month stint with bulimia. my immune system crashed and burned, and it took months to repair my system. over my "sick period", i whittled down to a trim 135 lbs once again, but upon my health returning, my weight slowly crept back up the high 140s. since christmas, i've been stuck in the 150s, and i hate it. which is why i've decided to return to and reopen this journal. i believe it helped me once, so i'm hoping it can help me again. also, with the rise in prominence of websites such as tumblr and blogger, i believe this old thing will be less easy to stumble across, keeping my secrets hidden safe and sound away from the prying/nosy eyes of loved ones.
my goal is to slim down to 9 stone (126 lbs), or a uk size 10. for the past week i haven't been keeping track of my calories, but i've been pretty healthy. i am drinking a few green smoothies a week for an added boost. i cheat with my vegetables - the "superfood" powder i add to my smoothie contains all the nutrients of over 50 leafy greens, along with spirulina, green tea extract, ginger root extract to name a few. i normally have a bagel, a banana, and a yoghurt for lunch, a coffee in the afternoon, and either lentils, eggs or soup for dinner. my problem is eating at night... and when it rains, it pours.
today, typically, started off with good intentions, but snacking was my downfall. i ended up having about 3 slices of this delicious banana walnut bread my mum and i baked together yesterday, and drinking wine. it was a good idea at the time, but in hindsight, i could have just had 1 slice, and done without the wine altogether. so the new plan, in light of today, looks like this:
breakfast- either a green smoothie OR a slice of toast, piece of fruit and an egg (200cals max)
lunch-bagel/saltine crackers, yoghurt, diet coke (250 cals)
afternoon snack- coffee and a piece of fruit (150-200 cals)
dinner- lentils with veggies or hoummous (300 cals)
food shouldn't come to more than 950 leaving room for spares (gum, drinks etc.). i also plan to bike ride 20 minutes a day, go to the gym where possible, and do 250 crunches a night. yesterday my weight was 156.. won't be weighing again until wednesday at least.