(no subject)
Right now, I weigh 137 pounds. Today I had 1200 calories which is kind of bad but I've ate worse. I got new batteries for my scale and this girl I know who is a mix between a friendenemy stepped on the scale and she weighed 117 pounds. She said she had no idea what she weighed and wanted to found out. I'm really glad I didn't step on the scale in front of her. I knew she was thinner than me but I hadn't realized I was twenty pounds bigger. That is really bad. This is the same girl who orders whole milk in my cappuccino and asks me if I ate a lot of times. If I forget to lie, she usually tries to make me have something. I don't know why. Maybe she doesn't want me to lose anything. I know girls who do this stuff to each other continuously. Sometimes when we talk about weight, she tells me I don't look as fat as I think I am but I disagree. On the lifetime network, there is going to be a movie on called "starving in suburbia ". It is supposed to be on Saturday at eight. I will probably watch it because it sounds triggering even though the commercial had the cliche eating disorder movie scene where someone walks in on the eating disorder girl changing clothes, sees her bones showing in her back and screams "oh my god, what are you doing to yourself!". Almost every ed movie I've seen has that scene,lol. The store closest to where I live has been out of my usual favorite laxatives. The rest are more expensive and don't work as well so controlling my food and trying to burn as many calories as I can is really important right.now because I can't undo mistakes even though it wasn't really undoing it, just taking away the full feeling and the panic. When I was out with the friendenemy, I saw my laxatives at the store we were at but I knew better than buy them when she was around. If it was my sister or my brother in law, it would have been easy because they could care less and have no idea about saline liquid laxatives.